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Overnight Care for young children

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rannii View Drop Down
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Joined: 25/May/2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 1103
  Quote rannii Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01/May/2014 at 21:11
Eamon,

Re Childcare. My eldest is in care twice a week. I'm SAHM. He enjoys it, its great. However I remember my mother being involved in my earlier life & believe in balance between the two. My argument is, if I believe that young Alice would enjoy ballet and put her in every Friday etc. Why should she miss it and be in care instead every second week? Having a lazy day at home rather than full on day in daycare, will also place the child in a much more rested state to enjoy parents on the weekend.


Re your comment:

When I explained this to my solicitor she very politely informed me that the battle is for more than every second weekend, 50/50 is basically out of the question AND going to court to fight for primary carer status was insanity.

Courts are insane regardless. However, McIntosh to me does not advocate every second weekend. Rather against it. Its this kind of research that should be pushed. Forget about alientating the other parent. Focus on (infants) short but frequent time. Show kids have no issues going to sleep and waking at secondary parents premises. "care" for the kid. Let the mother relax, at some stage she will be going, kids are happy - hey, how about you keep them for an overnight.....eventually it will get to more equal time.

But hey, its hitting the courts - so its just a fairy tale. (however doing the above shows you have put your needs as a parent aside and focused on the needs of the kids).

rannii View Drop Down
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Joined: 25/May/2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 1103
  Quote rannii Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11/May/2014 at 23:15
Forgive me, but unsure of how to make link clickable.

http://www.familytransitions.com.au/Family_Transitions/Publications_files/Pruett_McIntosh_Kelly_Parental_Separation_and_Overnight_Care_2014.pdf


Yes, it's mcintosh. But guys you'd be surprised that she does not discredit overnights. She's states there is no "proof" really,

The stance is on creating positive attachments. Ideally 2 positive attachments. However one positive and one negative works better than two negatives.

My take on it gentlemen is:

Be supportive in a consistent routine for the child/ren. Have this base so it doesn't move and the children have the security of that consistently.   Yes, sterotyically even in intacked families mother does most of the 0-3 care. Swallow your pride, support mothers routine so what happens at hers happens at yours. Show the courts that the stable base is there for the child to rely on no matter which house.

Do this work early, reduce conflict: . . Surely it's a small sacrifice to be able to get to the position of 50;50 care. If you continue to do "I'm a better parent", surely it will only dig your grave as consistency won't prevail & sorry, I'm guessing most mothers would be highly inflexible and less likely to take your opinion on as best.

emca01 View Drop Down
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  Quote emca01 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13/May/2014 at 08:20
When the legislation changed in 2006 lotsa male advocates and some bits of the media (well those who noticed enough to report) claimed that the term shared parental responsibility and the fact that the magistrates MUST consider 50/50 MEANT THAT 50/50 WOULD BE THE NORM. Nope.

I feel for McIntosh. I think she is mis-quoted in this debate. She is an advocate of good parenting. That means dad's having more than alternate weekends.

Look I think there are at least two sides to this debate. The welfare workers, who are interested in child development. Folks like McIntosh. They are not advocating for this or that. They do research and their research says that the family dynamics have changed. The times change and we change with the times....

The law is slow to catch up. It is the other strand. The researchers have shown that conflict is a problem. (they got paid to research that???) oh dear So all we have to do now is wait for the family law courts to agree that the best thing they can do to help families is disappear and find a less confrontational way of dealing with this crap...
I'm tired
cheers
eamon

Irish View Drop Down
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Joined: 02/September/2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 103
  Quote Irish Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09/November/2014 at 22:24
As below. It feels like you wrote what has happened to us. (Yes I am the gf but have been going through this for 5 years now, trying to push for mediation).

With the mother being unreasonable (in our case) how do you show that more time together actually will make things better. Kids like routine so if they know where they stand. When they do and don't go to dads, this certainty in kids lives will make them happier!!!

Does mediation even work... If the other party doesn't agree then you end up having to go to court? People can't afford that so yes they end up giving up on the process ( not their children might I add)

Argh I have been reading these posts for the last two years and hoping to be able to have a good idea of things actually working but to be honest many poor dads just lose out...And it's really the kids that are losing out.

Anon2013 View Drop Down
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  Quote Anon2013 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07/January/2015 at 20:40
I have my boys every Thursday night until either Friday night or Sunday night.
i.e. 4 nights in 14.
Work lets me leave at 2:15pm on Friday so long as I make up the time during the week.
The youngest was initially in daycare, near my work, on Fridays (so I took him there then)
Both the boys did daycare on Fridays since they where baby and this flowed through to me having them every Friday when we separated. My ex is not working (long story).

The advantage of this to the kids is they know that they will be at dads every Friday and they see me as being an active dad in their school life (making lunches, getting them to school and picking them up, arranging play dates etc)
The weekends still alternate.

If i was to extend this, I'd probably be asking to have them from Wednesday night. But that would mean an hour or two in after school care every Thursday. I don't think my ex would go for this until she has returned to work (at least part time) and the boys are a little older.

emca01 View Drop Down
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  Quote emca01 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08/January/2015 at 06:38
Hi anon,

Mate this is an old thread, I don't know why it is stuck at the top of the page. It sounds like you're on a good wicket with the ex. It is never gonna be perfect, otherwise you'd still be together and she would not be your ex. I reckon you're gonna have a better chance at getting extra time with the child via agreement rather than court.

In my experience I think the dumbest thing the ex ever did was refuse extra time. I have 5 nights a fortnight. Alternate weekends and Wednesday nights. IT is disruptive, more disruptive than week about. BUT the kids 8,6 and 4 yr old are starting to understand that they see more of mum than dad. They don't think it is fair. BUT also coming to me is a novelty, a break from mum, and they miss me. Enjoy the time you have and realise that as long as you maintain a good relationship with your son then who knows, when he is older he can make his own decisions AND I reckon, by depriving him of extra time with dad now, just might contribute to the decisions he makes in the future

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