14 Comments Family & de facto law, financial agreements, consent orders
I would say the child owns them.
Teach the child their worth and support the child in making sure the items are available for the child.
Parents need to grow up. But also saying that, certain items are banned from my home and my children are aware they will be removed from them if bought into my home.
what is that one about ownership is 9/10's of the law.... Yep you bought them, but the ex has them in their possession.
I'm gonna be blunt - Don't sweat the small stuff. For the time it took you to ask the solicitor the question and have them answer you could have bought the kid new stuff because that is how expensive solicitors are.
Oh and your ex won.... It is all a stupid game - you asked for your stuff back, the ex aint giving it back and you've wasted money on a solicitor over it... Please don't tell me you've called the child support agency to get them to help???? PLEASE...
Rannii, aren't you being a bit hypocritical. On one hand you are saying the items belong to the children, and on the other, you are saying certain items are banned from your house and would be removed from the child. Don't they belong to the child? Rannii, please stop making the posts about you.
To the original poster. In an ideal world, the things would belong to the children and the children would be able to take them wherever they wish. In the tea world however there are vengeful exes, and so we tend to have things for children at both houses. It is a shame that the other parent won't allow the child to attend sport and therefore use the items. Just keep this in the back of your mind for next time. By the way, did both parents agree to the sport? Or was it just yourself? If it was just your decision, then this sort of thing can be expected. Sad but true.
In our house, everything we buy for the child belongs to the child, but there are some things that can move between houses - like clothes, shoes, underwear and cheap toys - and there are other things that have to stay at our house - like Lego, electronic devices, and souvenirs from holidays.
In the other parent's house, everything that is bought for the child remains property of the parent, and the child just borrows it. Everything that the child brings to our house, including socks and underwear, must be returned, or we face a week of threatening text messages demanding their immediate return or face court proceedings for theft, and then another week of chanting from the child that 'You have to make sure the other parent's socks go back to the other parent's house or the other parent will have to buy new ones and won't be able to buy groceries for dinner'.
So, it's really down to the maturity of each parent. If you're the immature parent, you'll turn it into an issue of which parent owns what. If you're the mature parent, you'll just replace the sports equipment and be done with it.
oh that's a bit rough, look don't folk here ask for advice based on others experiences...
So my experience, the kids take stuff, the kids leave stuff and I don't give a stuff - my hair has gone all grey worrying about this stuff...
Meanwhile my ex gives a stuff, she takes photo's of stuff she thinks the kids the kids have left at my house, she threatens me with court, she calls the child support agency and Doc's, she whines to mediators, mutual friends, the kids etc. No one gives a stuff about this stuff and i don't give a stuff either.... But my hair is still grey.
Kids come first, but if you want to play hard. If it's school equipment, don't replace and tell the school that the other half has the sports stuff, same for similar items, In all other cases don't allow things to go to the other parent that you don't mind losing. Sports last thing Friday? Get the child to leave at school and pick up yourself or get another parent to take for you.
I've had the police turn up with my ex. I politely told them no court order, then my ex wouldn't be coming into the house to doubtless strip it of everything including the sofa that would also belong to the kids. But, I also insisted they look around to see there was nothing.
Yes items belong to the child - but not the parenting decisions.
If it's my decision not to allow my four year old to have a portable DVD player to watch movies on in their bedroom at night - then, no, the item will not be allowed in my home. Same with age inappropriate toys - on a normal day I don't have the level of supervision to supervise the kids with such items - they are too young. The items simply get placed in "dads drawer" to be returned to dads. If a child isn't allowed something under my care - I will confiscate it - be it the other parent or my family members giving them something.
It's also for me ensuring that both children are treated equal. So yes, when one child comes home with cake and chocolate etc, that is confiscated. The pocket knife my 4 year old was given, also removed.
It's my child's decision if they want to take items to their dads - but they know the risks of same - they will never get returned. Hell, my other parent returns the children without shoes, underwear etc.
The end of the day, I know what happens in the ideal world, doesn't happen in reality.
I was trying to provide the original poster that in my opinion another parent should not stop a child taking the child's items to the other parents place. I was also providing a statement that some items I wouldn't allow into my home - but that doesn't mean I don't allow it to travel back to the other parent for the child's use in that home. It's about 1) not removing my parenting rights and 2) protecting myself from the other party saying the expensive items was damaged in my home and forcing me to replace such.
rannii 2016-03-22 08:24:39
some people can be really petty.
you can try to be the bigger person and try to let stuff go between houses but as you have discovered it sometimes doesnt come home. if there are important things then keep them only at your house. on this occasion maybe ask the child to bring it back next time if hte ex isnt helping.
some things we will now keep here so it doesnt not come back and other things we just realise that he will get more use out of if he can bring them with him to his mums. anything expensive or special we tend to keep here.
His mother used to keep a record of every sock and toy that came over. pretty unreal to give a crap about the small stuff but as I say some people can be really petty. we once had to drive 2 hours to drop off a batman figurine that she wanted returned ASAP. not that the son was probably even interested in. if you play into this kind of behaviour then it will probably continue...that is one of the biggest things we have realised.
It is rather sad. Irish, I think my ex had the exact opinion of me, or you other partner.
I simply request that if the kids go over in clothes, they come back in clothes. So when they have been returned with out shoes, or jumpers etc - when I have said, last time I sent children with XYZ shoes, please send them back with a spare set of shoes - he thinks I am demanding the exact items back.
And I did get the whole, "you are only playing games with me", when my then 18mth old accidentally took her night time teddy on a visit. However, I did text him a number of times during the day (to which he didn't respond) as well as 15mins before he would have gotten I the car with the kids to return them. He got abusive to the contact centre staff, who thankfully made him see sence as child was going into hospital for at least a month the following morning.
I think it all is a communication problem, and once it's broken down it goes on forever.
oh this has just become a whinge fest about our ex's....
GREAT let me join in, my ex is the craziest...
1. Wanted me to bring my kids clothes to McDonalds and we could change them outa my her kids clothes and put them into my kid's clothes... BUT of course the same wasn't required when I dropt the kids off because she could be trusted to return things. YEP my ex is the craziest...
2. wanted me to weigh the kids nappies in the morning and text her the information...
3. Told me that she was sending all of the receipts for all of the kids stuff to child support and they will refund her the money through garnishing my wages... (She actually did send the receipts - They wrote to both of us to say that it wasn't any of there business.
Irish is right - No court orders can make a stupid person sane... So you just have to play by your own rules and do your best to ignore stuff that can cause tension.
I'd rather buy new stuff than ask for stuff to be returned. That way at least I don't have to communicate with the nutter
emca01 2016-04-02 17:18:35
haha emca01, you win, weighing a nappy is beyond silly.
I firmly believe when people act out like this it is because they are losing control and cant handle it. they ask for stupid things so that they can gain back what they think is control over the tiniest of situations.
they want to be the only one who can look after the child the best and the other person cant possibly look after their child as well as them. just sad because it doesnt actually help the child.
Lol! I actually find some empathy still on that.
My ex referred my children to docs re low weight, and put urgent application to courts for recovery. Long story short, was required to take child to peaditrican to manage. He advised the urgency to weigh nappies. I laughed and advised him that he needed to contact ex to make same request, as I wouldn't as it would be a waste of time.
Child ended up being hospitalised, with the view of a few months.
It's hard being stuck in the middle of it all, and feeling helpless.
Rannii - Yep I agree and have had to weigh nappies because a paediatrician ordered it....
But at the time it had nothing to do with a paediatrician it was just crazy woman wanting to make sure that I was not causing the little darlings dehydration because I'm too dumb to understand that kids need fluids... Oh Dear...
When I think of some of the crazy sh*t...