10 Comments Family & de facto law, financial agreements, consent orders
Well the catch is doubtless she will tell you arrangements have been made.
So I would ask if you can schedule a short call to wish him happy birthday on the day and I'd ask for some time either the weekend before or after, ideally scheduling an activity in a public place if possible with an agreed drop off/collection time, one for good weather, one for bad weather. Contact is what matters so be prepared to give some ground to get what you want,
I think if you effectively seek to accomodate your ex in this way, a refusal ought to go badly. And if she has him this year, make sure in orders, next year it is with you,
I doubt the court session will seek to deal with that. Make sure if any other important dates come up its fixed in the next hearing what happens.
I have submitted the parenting orders in October to the courts and wasn't due for the next hearing until 20th Jan so I sent the EXs lawyer a letter stating that these are the parenting orders I'm seeking as you are already aware of and would like to spend Boxing Day with the 2 boys for a duration of 4hrs, in a public place ( the zoo ) and she is by all means allowed to stay in the vacinity incase the boys shall wish for her at anytime. But otherwise I would prefer she stayed at a distance of approx 50m so that myself and the boys could have some private, unstressed time together.
Her response was " there will be no care of the boys by myself in a public place, and that if I wanted to see them I had to travel 2.5 hrs to where they live and will only be allowed to see them for 1hr at her families Boxing Day party and no one else was to come with me"
Unfortunately I wasn't prepared to go there on my own as I wasn't prepared to walk myself into what could potentially be an ambush by her entire family against me to make me lose my sh$?, so I declined the offer.
So I'm pretty sure she will do the same again, but should I still give the public place another go? But be prepared for the same response by her.
So, the game is you think if a way to see the kids, she thinks of a reason you cannot. So you agree to her terms and she introduces more an in attempt to make it unacceptable to you.
You could suggest a contact center, her choice at your expense, but two weeks notice maybe pushing it. Or you can get people to do supervised outside a center.
Putting aside face to face, have you also asked for phone/Skype time. I don't see any reason that is not acceptable, with either party calling. You agree a time, duration, you stay child focussed only with no discussion of the other parent, family, court proceedings etc.
Yes your right, everything I try she makes it impossible for me.
I haven't tried the Skype idea as yet but I think I will try for that on the day of his birthday. I hadn't thought of that as yet.(good idea thanks for that one)
Although I'm not sure if it'll work either because she has said in previous documents that the children don't want to talk to me. I've sent possibly 200+ Text messages to my children's phone for not a single reply. ( do they have the phone or does she, who knows )
Her and her family have as I'd expect poisoned the children's minds against me, but never the less I'm going to still keep trying everything poss.
If I was to ask for a Skype call on the day of my sons birthday, and public spend time perhaps a birthday party at maccas or HJs and she declines, would it benefit me in the next hearing in April? Will the courts see that she's doing everything to prevent spend time and that she's just being a nuisance and prolonging access EVERYTIME I've tried to do something for the children. Or will it not?
I wish I knew the answer to your last question, but you'd only know if you hit a trial. A court told my ex they don't like making orders, they want consent. I.e, be reasonable and they usually give you plenty of hints.
Despite the time passed, courts go slowly. So, they have sent you to try and mediate. If it fails, they will I guess have another hearing and make some interim orders. If the mother raised concerns then until proven or disproven the court may go slowly - they need to put the Interests of the kids first and protect them. So it could be contact centres, limited time etc. as they program you to trial.
So, you need to be patient. If the mother is deliberately putting her interests ahead of the kids and if you get to a trial and it's shown she lied, was manipulative, evasive, didn't make reasonable proposals, then she will likely get a verbal slap on the wrists, orders that give shared care and you decent time and her a warning that if she doesn't comply within the court she risks having her time reduced. I.e. shr has to put kids interests ahead of her own.
So, be patient, persistent, polite, stay child focussed. So, as opposed to saying, she's stopping me seeing my kids and they're suffering, a court prefers you to say,,my kids are suffering because she won't let me see them. Focus on your kids relarionship with you, not yours with her. It can be difficult to get your head around, but it makes a difference because a court stops seeing you as battling each other and her battling you, while you battle for the kids.
She says kids don't want to talk,to,you. It's down to her to make them available. If the kids say they hate her parents is she going to say 'Ok, no worries, or tell them to smile for a couple of hours to keep the status quo.' She tells him, ' your dad wants to wish you hbd, just a few minutes, ok?'.
As for the poisoning, kids are smart and resilient and generally avoid confrontation. So I'd not worry about that yet.
mate - Stupidity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.....
200 text messages? that is enough for an avo against you.
Just outa interest did she come get her stuff? how did that work out.
But I admire your tenacity.
I also like Calmar's idea about skype. I also think everything else he wrote is exactly on the money....
So a nicely worded letter CC to solicitor. In the letter provide 3 options.
1. Your preferred option - Go crazy - Suggest a sleep over at your place on the weekend roughly around the birthday and 19th April is probably in the school holidays, so a perfect time to get re-acquainted.... Yep I know aint gonna happen BUT set the bar high...
2. 4 hours at a local park - Go for 4 so HOPEFULLY she'll agree to two hours.
Mate if nothing else it will be another letter to put in that shoe box full of letters that you can show the boys when they're older to prove to them that you never abandoned them and that they didn't see you 'cause their mum is a twit...
And look if nothing else it will drain her funds, every letter you write costs her money. For that reason alone it is worth doing because eventually the expense of all this crap should motivate a change in attitude. But it will take time and fluffing around with mediation isn't gonna help. She will change her attitude only when a magistrate makes her OR it hurts her financially.
I would also be mentioning it at the case conference on Wednesday
emca01 2016-02-22 10:28:40
The 200 text messages to my boys are only ever sent, 1 every couple of days over the last 11 mths, and i only tell the boys that I miss them both and wish everyday that they were still with me and that if there's ent thing they ever need they are more than welcome to call me or text as they both know I'd be only to happy to help. Basically my text messages only ever tell them the love I still have for them. Is that still avo material
As for the belongings, she got her brother to come and collect everything and there was no issues at the time. Although a week later I received a letter from her lawyer dated 2015 not 2016, and it stated that as court orders made belongings are to be removed from the property and that they will be coming to the FDFH on 14 November to collect them all.
The lawyers last 2 letters have had dates all over the place and have made no sense at all and have been misleading as both have as I said been dated 2015 (not 2016), example: my client will be removing one of the family vehicles on sunday 19th February, (well the 19th was Friday).
Is there a reason why these letters are coming with dates all arse about and basically look incompetent?
They also stated that I've done nothing to get the FDFH ready to be listed for sale, yet I've done everything from cleaning the inside and outside of the property, organised the photo shoots and it's been advertised on the market for 3 weeks and she's done absolutely SQUAT to assist even though the court ordered we work together to list and sell the FDFH.
They also stated that with in 7 days of receiving their letter I was to vacate the property. Ive not been living at the property for over a month anyways. But I do attend the FDFH everyday so it looks as if I do still live there.
I would like to know what their game is lately because their sure not making any sense.
Lawyers get paid per minute, per word, per page. The quicker you settle, the less they get paid. So, they like writing letters for clients, especially to arrange something trivial. When you reply, they get paid to read, pass to their client, and take their clients instructions in reply.
I guess the style of some lawyers seems aggressive, maybe it's deliberate, they want to make you angry, say something they can use against you, get a reply and more money.
I'm not trying to be difficult when I say this. Understood, yiu wish they were with you. But, a different approach is to say, you hope they are working harder at school, and enjoying whatever sport or activities they do. As opposed to you miss them, you are thinking of them. Small differences. What you feel and what you say can be different.
On the dates etc. I'd write and say that if you continue to receive letters with inconsisteincies in dates you will report them to the Legal Practitioners Complaints Committee. Lawyers hate this, because if you do complain, as you could that this is incompetent, they have to spend time and money showing the LPCC the errors were accidental. I'd also state that when you receive such an inconsistency you will be unable to act until the lawyer clarifies things and that includes letters with incorrect dates like 2015.
On the FDFH - ask them to identify the specific concerns they have on what has not been done for sale, Don't say what you've done, ask them to point out what you haven't done. Costs her more money.
If there is no court order requiring you to vacate, or other order to that effect, I don't think it matters. The point would be, do you have things there you need to remove. If it's just you drop by to check its secure its not an issue, if you live there but sleep someone else maybe it is.
As an aside, make sure she doesn't have the keys, or locks have been changed, and that the agent is not to allow anyone unaccompanied to visit, nor are they to provide keys or any copy to anyone without your authorisation. I would also make sure your ex and her lawyer are not permitted to visit. I guess if there is any risk she is going to turn up, move in and change the locks, it's minimised.
Lawyers can ask you to do things, tell you to do things, or threaten you with legal action. But only courts can issue orders, or the police take action if they believe you commit an offence.
Calmar 2016-02-22 11:39:04
mate I reckon she could have tried to take the text messages to the cops. Is it AVO material. Look, I had an avo against me, so I'm bloody cynical of how easy it was for my ex to both get the thing and use the thing to get at me.
As far as the rest goes, look I think you're getting there. And as far as the solicitor goes, yep look. I'd be writing back and confirming the dates. just play along. It will cost the ex money and that is a good thing.
I reckon some solicitors must realise that their client is an idiot. I know in my case one solicitor basically refused to continue to represent her. The bloke just didn't wanna deal with the BS... But I reckon some solicitors will continue flogging a dead horse because the dead horse is paying the bills.
I know when I had a solicitor, I would not have accepted sub-standard work. so I'm thinking the solicitor is just pushing out what she wants and given she has to approve it, he is just shrugging his shoulders.