2 Comments Family & de facto law, financial agreements, consent orders
Hi William. Unfortunately, this story is very common, whether it is the woman or the man on the receiving end makes no difference, both have their fair share. The priority should always be the children. The court sees it this way and so you should start seeing it this way. The court rarely attributes emotion to court proceedings, so you need to find a way to take out the emotion of the situation, which is hard because you are currently living it. If you feel that she is negligent in any way with the children, then you could take over the role covertly to make sure all their needs are being met, while you are still living there. I'll go over your points here: 1. Yes, you can put a lock on the door, it's your home too. Make sure the children know they can knock on the door at any time to see you though so they don't feel locked out too. 2. Yes, you should be concerned about any accusations of abuse. The court will always look at this. Change your password on your phone, computer, tablet etc and don't leave any of them lying around to be hacked. Keep all messages and screenshot them even if they are still on your phone. Keep a diary of any conversations with your ex-partner. Try to keep emotion out of arguments and that way you'll find it easier to keep calm. Walk away if you have to to stop an argument escalating. Try not to argue with her in front of or in earshot of the children. If she has lost control of her emotions, take the kids to the park so they can de-stress too. They are feeling what you are feeling. Encourage your children to talk about how they feel about what is going on and they will then feel heard. Make note of the fact that you have no prior recorded history with domestic violence. 3. It doesn't matter what she demands in terms of bill and mortgage payments. If you are out of the house, you are liable in terms of the mortgage having your name on it but that's it. If the mortgage doesn't get paid, the bank will foreclose and neither of you will be living there. Keep a diary of everything you pay for. If you are completely separated in terms of the relationship then costs should be separated as well. It's really about what you're willing to pay for and keep the children in mind when you decide on this. If you were living in different homes, you wouldn't be paying her rent and food and other bills. Consider splitting the bills fairly down the middle because you are both living in the same house and the kids are with both of you. When the children are with one parent then the other parent will be liable for maintenance. Just because she or you demand it, does not mean it has to happen. She doesn't have to show you her bank account either. 4. If you feel that her rages and abuse are serious, where she has completely lost control, you can call the Police if you feel it's necessary. If there is physical violence then definitely call the Police. If she does take out that AVO then you will have to fight it in court. But it will have to pass the sniff test by the Police first. Getting an AVO on her own without Police intervention is notoriously hard. 5. The majority of mediators are highly trained and have been doing this for some time. They see this day in and day out and usually aren't fooled by the antics of either the man or the woman. They usually can see through lies and bad behaviour. The mediation will be sent to the court. However, usually it is a recommendation by the mediator to the court. If an agreement cannot be reached then they will say that and if an agreement can be reached then they will present that agreement to the court. If the mediator thinks that she is abusive and dangerous then they will stop mediation and give you a form and send that same form to the court. She maybe a great manipulator, but the courts and the mediation teams have seen this far too often previously. You should arm yourself with as much evidence as possible and be informed. Get yourself some legal advice. This is really important. Have your legal questions prepared before you call a legal practitioner. Read up information on the internet that is legally based. Be prepared before you walk into a court room. Act rather than react. Put your children first always, no matter what. This is what the court will look at. If you are consistent and engaged then the court will see this as a good thing. I hope this helps.
You sound like a man who does not understand the gravity of the situation. Familiarize yourself with the term divorce rape. I am amazed she has not gone to the Police yet but by the sounds of it, she is just waiting for you to make a mistake like hit her so you can be evicted from your own home by the Police. You have raised some minors about her threats, the Family court don't care about that. The Family court allow women to carry on behaving like children. I know, I have been through the Family court process for financial and parenting orders. You write up a fully detailed affidavit as part of the application to the court, I can promise you, the Judge WILL NOT READ IT ! I got all the legal advice but every time, The X does something she should not do, and nothing happens. Even if you get parenting orders, the court DO NOT care about enforcing them. I got 50/50 custody but the X only hands them over when it suits her. My last application to the court to prosecute the x for not handing over the kids was rejected due to a typo on the application form so I filled out another application form on the day and handed it to the Judge only to be told, "I am not going to deal with this now" .... This court is closed. 7 applications for breach and $$$$ wasted have achieved absolutely nothing. Any Family court order is completely undermined by the IVO your X gets in the state court to prevent you from going near her home to collect the kids on your week of care. Everyone will tell you the Family law order overrules the state IVO but in reality, its not true. I have documented evidence to prove this. The state police don't enforce the Family law orders, they say "Sorry, its out of my jurisdiction" The common advice is get legal advice, all this does is drain your finances until you eventually become helpless due to lack of funds. My Advice - DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. She can go and move in with her parents. It will result in less time with your kids, but lets face the reality, if you get to see your kids more than 2 days every 2 weeks, your winning. Prepare yourself for the suffering your kids will endure in separation. Prepare to watch your kids have behavioral difficulties as a result of the separation. Prepare your self for the eye opening reality, that the law system and support services will all but ignore you in favor of her. Prepare yourself for a 3 year battle in Family Court. I personally would not pay for a lawyer. They tell you what you should do, what is appropriate but the most difficult people are the ones who are accommodated in the family law system, but of course, being difficult only works if your female. Lawyers will basically tell you to fall on your sword. The only way to get 100% care of your kids is if she nearly kills them with neglect from drug abuse, etc. The courts, DHHS, etc. will ignore her minor digressions. My x regularly hit our son in the face, that is legal in the state of Victoria but illegal in NSW. Go figure? If you have son's aged 2 and above, they will stick by you. If you have daughters, they will abandon you when they turn 12 in favour of the mother so if your eldest is the daughter and you need to sort this in Family Court, make the application today! I am an honest, law abiding man. I have spent about $50,000 with 4 lawyers. I am treated like a criminal by the Victorian Police and I do not have a single prior offence. I was charged with FAMILY VIOLENCE by the Victorian Police for allegedly talking to my ex about my safety concerns for our children while our children were in my x's care. I narrowly avoided conviction. I am treated like a guilty man by the State courts without a single scrap of evidence. People like Adrian Earnest Bailey have forced the legal system to enhance protections for women, and those legal protections are being abused by the law system and the courts and used on honest hard working Fathers. This is the reality of our situation. Knowing what I know, I expect it is only a matter of time before she involves Police. Maybe you should build some walls in your home and separate the living areas so you can both live there while this is sorted in the courts? You can certainly lock up the entries to your own living areas provided she can access her own living areas. Of course, you can't lock any fire escapes. I would not speak a word to her. Use email and SMS as the only form of communication. Its not ideal to pay the mortgage to support her lifestyle but since she is the mother of your kids, if you can at least both live under the same roof, you are in close proximity to the kids until the courts deal with you. Oh, and I should mention. My ex won spousal maintenance on me to the tune of $500 per week. That means, in addition to Child support, I pay $500 per week to support my X, you know, to pay for her nails, botox, eyebrows, hairdos, etc. It is actually a form of legalized slavery. There are many resources on youtube to educate you. Her mother will be free to do as she pleases and will suffer no consequences as a result of her destruction. My ex also had bad influences from her family and if not for those people, we could be still married today.