9 Comments Family & de facto law, financial agreements, consent orders
So your daughter is trying to prevent you seeing the grandkids, but your son-in-law is bringing them around. Your daughter has stolen from you and is planning on moving interstate, thus preventing both the children's father and you gaining any access. Have I got that right?
From your other thread your daughter clearly has some problem, perhaps you need to join forces with your son-in-law. He has best chances to gain custody, especially if you provide an affidavit detailing her theft and dishonesty. He may need some assistance with caring for the kids, could you assist him with this?
Seems a drastic way to go but it may be in the best interests of the children and your daughter in the long run.
Consider talking to a counselor about this, Lifeline have some good people who can listen and perhaps help you sort out what is best. Ph 13 11 14
Please come back here for anything further after you have spoken with them.
Thank you Martin, sounds good when you put it that way but how to prove anything?
I now feel like I must have been living in some other universe during the last 20 odd years. Perhaps I imagined I raised this child and helped her raise her two daughters!
I have just seen the family court application for the first time and my daughter is seeking an injunction against me EVER having any contact with my grandchildren. Previously, I thought she was wanting to stop their father bringing them to visit me but now it seems much more serious and the case is due to be heard next Tuesday.
What scares me most is my daughter is very plausible liar (mainly because she totally believes her version of reality) and the judge may think there has to some good reason for a child to turn against their parent so spitefully. I am just shocked to my core that this is happening.
Thanks for listening.
Is there any reason for your daughter to have turned against you?
Read a case where a mother sought custody of he children and to have the grandparents excluded from contact click here. In this case the Judge ruled that the mother was delusional, awarded the father custody, with access by the grandparents and excluded the mother from contact. To fight such a case you would need good grounds, and plenty of money as well as very skilled lawyers.
Martin, I do not have money and the children's father has good advice but he is representing himself. My daughter is not so obviously delusional as the woman in the case you linked to (thank you very much for that link), my daughter presents well and appears to be sensible, it takes some time knowing her and observing the inconsistencies in her stories to get the real picture.
My daughter turned against me when I confronted her with evidence that she used my visa debit card to withdraw money without my authorisation. Up until that point we were very close.
She has a boyfriend I was never introduced to and now wants to move with him to Melbourne, his home town. Myself and all the children's Australian relatives are in Perth. The children's father has a large extended family with a strong Italian cultural heritage that the children have always been encouraged to participate in.
It is my belief that she has created a lie to this new boyfriend to cover up her former drug use and bad debts and will do anything it takes to keep him in the dark about her past.
The children's father has some problem with credibility because he has had dealings with the police over the years for traffic offences and a petty theft charge, investigation by the drug squad etc. My daughter has managed to avoid any charges laid against her but she was just as involved in drugs and theft as he was. They were 18 when the first child was born and I and the children's paternal family have done all we could to keep them out of trouble but how do we prove any of this?
Will the court take my word that I knew my daughter was dealing marijuana and amphetamines? She was never caught doing it and nobody she dealt to is going to come forward to testify. She is attempting to discredit me by saying I am an alcoholic and user of prescription medication (diazepam "valium") that impairs my memory. Yes I did develop a problem with alcohol for which I was treated and am now sober and yes I take diazepam for anxiety, I am currently withdrawing from the drug under medical supervision. I can provide a letter to this effect from my psychiatrist.
Anyway, I am talking to legal aid tomorrow and will also visit the court to speak to a duty lawyer. The hearing is next Tuesday in open court and that will be the first time I have seen my daughter since the day she moved out of my house to live with her boyfriend. I have made many attempts to speak with her, sent letters etc all of which have been ignored.
I think I have rambled on long enough now.
Don't let her drag you into the she said he said grandma said situation. I know it is hard but stay focused on the children and only address the issues directly relating to them. The courts will disregard a lot of the other issues she is going to try to put forward. They do not take kindly to parents acting this way. If the court has any concerns with anything she claims then they will ask. Go in prepared that they MAY ask but stay focused on the kids and their well being. This will show that you are generally concerned for what is best for them and her actions will own show her for what she is. Good luck and don't give up trying. Make sure you document everything and have it readily available IF the court asks to see it.
Thinking of you
Well here is an update. Following a pre trial conference the judge cautioned my daughter's lawyer that he had better have some substantial evidence. She noted that both parents were neither all good nor all bad but both had been irresponsible in the past. After a short adjournment my daughter withdrew her application. The judge ordered 5 months of assessment of both parents and children by a family psychologist and said they could not bring the relocation request before the court for another year. Everything in their current orders stands including joint responsibility, The father's access was changed from 3 out of 4 weekends to every other weekend due to difficulty with transportation on Monday mornings in school term. He still has one day after school each week and half holidays. I am to be allowed to see the girls only if the father brings them to my house and stays with them. He has been doing that and intends to keep it up (even though it inconveniences him)
I did not get to present any of my evidence denying the mothers lies about me in her affidavit. I guess the next step is for me to seek a parenting order of my own but at least I have some breathing space now!
Thanks for all the advice and encouragement.