10 Comments Family & de facto law, financial agreements, consent orders
First you should not be trying to influence the child, telling a six year old what may happen is not appropriate, the child will pick up from your voice that you do not approve and hence will be influenced negativity.
Children benefit from contact with both parents and if all he is asking for is to see her for half of each school holiday that is quite reasonable and to try and resist it may be very much to your disadvantage, as you say you made an agreement with him to move but have nothing in writing, all we and any court have is your word for that, so he could make waves should he wish.
The fact that he has had little contact for some time is not unusual, some people take a while after a separation to get their act together.
As far as the photo is concerned, this in not the USA, unless it is blatantly sexual there is no problem, and if it was the web host would have got rid of it and banned the account.
The fact that you have retaliated to provocation is not good, perhaps if you do not take these sort of calls and cooperate with the access requests, things might settle down for all of you, especially the child.
U are saying that a 6 year old should be forced to travel interstate to spend time with a man she does not know in a place she does not know? Is that correct? THe man has made no attempt whatsoever to contact the child for years. His ex partner left him and obtained an intervention order against him in regards to their young son 2 days before he got in contact with me! so the only reason he wants his daughter is because the courts deem him to be unfit to care for his son.
If I had not had his permission he would have sought a recovery order 5 years ago and my solicitor has advised me that he will not have an argument on this.
Oh and 2 hours ago he called from a private number threatening to come and take our daughter and my baby from my current relationship and turn them into DARCY FREEMAN!! Any australian knows who darcy freeman is!! Once again no proof but I am logging everything
It is very appropriate to tell her what he wants as this is her life and future. My daughter has stated since day one of him re entering her life again that she wishes to see him but only if it is where we live
If he wishes to have contact with her I don't believe it is unreasonable request that he actually comes to the state where she lives on a relativly regular basis to re establish a relationship with her before any interstate visits occur. Since he started contacting her again 16 months ago I have constantly asked him to come and see her. I am in no way trying to prevent a relationship between them as I am fully aware how important it is however I am not going to force her to travel interstate for weeks at a time without knowing him first
Maddiej, calm down. Do not speak to the man on the phone again, ask him calmly and politely to contact you in writing only. Calmly and politely say that you are willing to work on a solution. Listen to your solicitor.
I have read dozens of cases recently and the reasoning behind the orders made. Invariably the judge criticises parents that are obstinate or hostile in dealing with the other parent but they also make allowances for a child that has been estranged from one parent to ease back into the relationship. I very much doubt your daughter will be ordered to be shipped off interstate to a virtual stranger it is about HER benefit and it makes no sense at all to distress her in such a way. Most likely it will end up with some preparation of her first and if you can mutually agree to that through mediation first it will be much easier all round.
Also, refrain from denigrating her father in any way, bite your tongue (except in *private* adult conversations such as with your solicitor) and remember that no matter how bad YOU see him, he IS her father and she has every right to believe her father is a good person. In the long run it is better for her emotional health than anything to the contrary.
Call the Family Relationships advice line.
Thank you for your advice. As i'm sure you can imagine this has been very tough on my family. I suffered from severe depression until he left us alone a few years ago. I managed to pull myself out of a deep dark hole and married and had another daughter. My eldest daughter is very close with my husband so that makes it even more distressing. I have always bitten my tongue. I didn't degrade him to her i simply informed her that he wanted her to go interstate to see him as he misses her. My daughter often gets upset about the fact that he has NEVER sent her so much as a birthday card.
I realise that Denigrating a parent to a child is not in her best interests.
We are not talking about a devoted father who loves his child and desperatly wants to have a good relationship with her. We are talking about a man whose only motive is that he was caught calling her a spoilt little xxxxxxing xxxxxxx who he wishes had died at birth! Obviously he got the reaction from me and decided to do this. This is a man who as soon as he had another baby (his new toy) he dumped his daughter and didn't contact her again until the courts deemed him unfit to care for his son in any way, shape or form. We are talking about a really nasty piece of work here. This is the kind of man who punches his partner in the face in front of his child, also strangles his childs mother in front of the child. This is not a good man who made a few judgement errors in life.
Why should a man like this who dumped his daughter at the first opportunity be then allowed to disrupt her life years later when she is happy and settled and has a wonderful life. If I just dumped my daughter for years you can be damn sure no one would say 'oh hang on the poor woman didn't care 5 years ago but now that she has been banned from seeing her 2 year old son by the courts we should let her have her daughter'!
Just very frustrating that any human being can be so god damn selfish
Hi maddie, I understand the need to vent! I have to go to court on Wednesday to try and help my former son in law keep his children nearby and prevent my daughter from getting an injunction against me seeing my grand children. All because I dared to ask her to repay money she stole from me!
I'm not clear on whether the father of your eldest girl has started any proceedings. In WA he has to seek family mediation first. Is it the same for you? Has he made an application for parenting orders?
What is your ideal outcome?
No he hasn't started any proceedings as yet. Very lazy man, I won't be suprised if he just can't be bothered. Yes we do have to seek mediation first. The laws are australia wide when it comes to children. I however have chosen to get in first so that he will have to come to Tas to fight me on this. I'm so scared that my little girl will end up just like little darcy freeman. Just wondering though if you would know whether if he doesn't show up to mediation whether that will look really bad for him? Also lets say for arguments sake that he doesn't show up to a court hearing, will I be given what i am seeking? Also if the court order him to come to Tas once a month for access to michaela and he doesn't do it then what happens? Why if I stop him from having access ordered by the court am I in the sh*t when I'm pretty sure that if he just doesn't turn up he doesnt get in trouble?
I do hope you get access to your grandchildren, I believe you have probably been a wonderfull grandmother to them and it would be tragic for that to be taken from them
Honestly my ideal outcome would be that he never has contact with her again however know this isn't possible. Even child abusers get contact with their children. Next best thing is he comes visits her once a month for the next 12 months and if he can prove he is a capable parent and my daughter wishes to that she can visit him where he lives.
Surely no court will make her travel interstate without knowing him first regardless of anything else!