by Jenny  27/04/2020  0 Page Views
4 Comments  Family & de facto law, financial agreements, consent orders

 

Let me provide all details before the main question:

  • We live in VIC
  • Got separated in 2016 and finalised divorced in 2018
  • Daughter is now 10yrs old
  • New registered domestic partner in 2018 (and I am married again in 2019). We were renting in VIC and now bought a house in VIC
  • ex-husband always had drug addiction issues hence decided to leave in 2016
  • ex-husband once had my little daughter in back seat, and he was high / passed out in the car. And he was going low speed in circles in an an empty parking lot where I found them. ex-husband put my daughter in danger several times due to his  addiction
  • ex-husband has been to rehab several times
  • ex-husband scared us, punched and break doors, threatened during separation (and daughter heard/seen)
  • ex-husband pays 15-30aud per month child support
  • ex-husband does not call regularly (ie last time was 3 months ago for 5 minutes)
  • we call him and he does not pick up. He also keeps changing phone numbers
  • ex-husband crashed the car so no car. he lost his license with drunk driving as well. He does not drive
  • ex-husband had many known train ticket penalties in both VIC and NSW as well
  • ex-husband used to live with his parents (in NSW)
  • ex-husband has seen daughter twice in 2 years, and both cases, we drove her to him. He scared her in a day by being aggressive against the grandmother. My daughter texted us as she has been scared. Second time was similar. ex-husband's family has been kind and caring, so they took my daughter away from there and called us. The two instances scared my daughter where he was supported with child psychologist
  • Ex-husband's own mother noted he is stealing and using drugs over 2018-2019 and 2020. Ex-husband had ankle monitoring for a while too
  • Ex-husband had 4-5 court cases against him in NSW in 2019-2020
  • Ex-husband's mother recently put an AVO against him and he moved out. 
  • there are no parental orders or plan in place since 2016
  • I have been caring, taking care of my daughter from 2016 to 2018 alone. Then from 2018 to now, with my new husband. We are going on international trips, domestic trips, taking her to school, birthday parties, social events, dancing, parent teach meetings, carnivals, swimming, and etc. Ex-husband is not involved and absent with all these
  • Ex-husband always promise to visit for birthdays or claims he sent gifts. Constant failure of these promises are affecting my daughter. We have never told her that he is a drug addict or homeless etc. We never talked negatively about ex-husband. We even go and buy gifts and put in mail as if ex-husband sent. Ex-husbands mother also sends gifts on behalf of him. 

 

We would like to relocate to Europe for 2 years (not permanently) with our family to provide international experience and family life for our daughters. My new partner also has kids. We did our wedding abroad as well in 2019 with all kids. We looked at the best private school in that country, and our kids want to move as well. My daughter wants this and she is upset we could not sort it or cannot talk to ex-husband yet. 

We will not sell our home in Victoria. We will move to Europe temporarily yet will be visiting Australia twice a year for school holidays so my daughter can see all grandparents or ex-husband (if he wants to).

Ex-husband currently has less contact with her even in the same country. Ex-husband's parents are informed and they are supportive. My parents are supportive.

 

I have called to talk to ex-husband and he initially was ok on the call. Then towards end of the call he has threaten my husband and my parents.

I texted him and emailed him the details, and it is not permanent move. And if he wants he can also call, Skype, or FaceTime (which does not do now anyways, or has not done for a long time).

 

Ex-husband has not contributed emotionally, physically or financially since 2016. He had very rare communication, and at the times he had, he scared our daughter.

Our daughter does not trust and scared of her own father. She does not want to talk to him, but if he calls once in 3-4 months; she tells him what he wants to hear as she is scared. She heard over years him yelling, cursing, threatening me or his own mother and others. We (me, my husband, my parents, and ex-husband's mother) constantly encourage our daughter to talk to him if and when he calls. 

 

I do not have his physical address and no-one knows as this point. I again dropped him a text and email and kindly asked to talk in a week. 

We will plan our relocation after COVID-19 pandemic (perhaps towards end of the year)

 

What is the most logical step considering the minimum stress for my daughter?

 

1. Do we relocate overseas and wait for him apply for recovery if he ever does? And if he does, we have tons of evidences on his trend, our families, our daughter and all are aware. We have been trying to contact or talk to him as well to reach to a collaborative agreement which will reflect well on our daughter's wellbeing; and either no contact or threats.

 

2. Do we apply FDR? But what if again he is absent and does not attend?

 

3. What if he continues to threaten me, my husband and my family? His own mother put a recent AVO for him as well. He is currently in NSW and we are in VIC so not worried at this point but no-one knowing where he is, and he is threatening over phone is a big worry.

 

My biggest worry is his ongoing affect on my daughter. If he contacts or sees her, his aggression or issues scare her then she is worried and scared and can not sleep at nights. 

If he does not call for a long time, then she is upset why he does not call, or starts protesting stating she does not want his last name or never wants to see him. There is no balance. Every child should have access and healthy relationship with parents but my ex-husband does not have self or social consciousness or he does not have empty to understand his negative impact on a 10-years-old kid. I know eventually, we will need to face some hard facts and explain things but I need the best possible solution with minimum impact on her. 

 

I am sorry that it has been long but always worried once it comes to well-being our my daughter

thanks in advance for all suggestions.