Rannii,

The hardest part here is that both parents have to agree on the use of the centre. My ex and I both agreed, then after one visit, she withdrew the service "because the times are stupid", so that was the end of that.

Also, most contact centres are open only on certain days and have to try and fit you in at an available time. So, if the orders say for example, pickup at 9am and drop off at 12pm, but they can fit you in at 10.15, but drop off is 2pm, then that is all they can do, meaning the times are different than the court orders, and meaning that the orders have not been breached.

I hope you can get the ex to agree to the centre, they also monitor and can provide a report (you pay per page) on anything that can be relevant in court (that's what I was told, could be different where you are). I found that one visit using the centre was bliss, because finally there was someone else who would see my ex for what she was, the ex realised this as well, and knew that our communication book was being recorded by them, hence the actual reason for her withdrawing the service.

I guess the contact centre is like a parenting plan, everyone agrees and it all seems fine, but then it only takes one person to not like it, and you are back at square one. From the sounds of things, your situation would benefit greatly from the use of the contact centre.

Thanks Davo.

Apparently its either voluntary or court ordered. As we are court ordered, he has to use the centre or I guess not see the kids for those times (only half the times are ordered to be contact centre).

I'm definitely thinking of the third party benefit of using the centre. Having someone else record the experience, but also the "fake it to make it" mentality. He doesn't have a connection with the kids & doesn't seem to be trying. At least in front of a third party he will need to do so. Hopefully it will start a meaningful relationship between him and the kids.

I hope so :)

That is a benefit that it is court ordered, big time. Not to rain on the parade, my last lot of orders had a similar wording and the ex chose to ignore it. But again, both have to agree. I really hope your ex does, for every ones sake.

Another quick thought, and don't underestimate the value in it, have you considered undertaking a Parenting Orders Program or something similar? I was dead set against it, "I don't need that, I'm not the one with the problem" etc, but I found it of great benefit in helping me calm down and begin going with the flow a bit more. I insisted that my ex attend the same course (not at the same time obviously), and got it put in court orders, the attitude from the ex has improved dramatically as well to the point we can actually have a friendly conversation at pick up and drop off about our daughter. Might be something you write to his lawyer about, and it only serves to make you look better with the court. If you say that you requested you both attended, you did (you get a certificate at the end to say you completed the course, you will have to supply this to prove your point), he didn't, and that you are trying to communicate more effectively and he isn't, you are making ground. I found it really beneficial, and it seems like my ex did too.
Since we both did the course, the improvements have been dramatic, we can now agree on things!!

Good luck.

1. Above says "mothers residence". If it is that surely it's not a bad fallback from the Contact Center. If you had safetly concerns and have nobody who can be there just set up something to video handover.

2. I thought there was a fee for their use (including no show). I used one once, except there is a time delay so neither parent has contact, the child(ren) being in a secure place throughout. If af fee who pays?

3. I have not done any of the "courses" but from what I hear they are really worth doing: you will get something from it; it helps with the court process; and if your ex goes there should be no downside.

Hi Davo & Calmar,

thanks for the input.

Re POP - already on the case & session one completed. In interim orders I requested both of us complete it (on the advice of this forum). My initial view was I can't ask him to complete it, if I don't complete myself.

I went along believing I have been reasonable (and for what its worth, I do believe I have), and that I have been moving forward etc . . . however I gained a lot out of it. I know my ex is the "concrete pillar" that will never change & I am excited about the upcoming sessions.

I've requested through the solicitor that he completes, as well as directly to him. I also gave permission for co-ordinator to contact him. His view, he doesn't need it.

I'm back to believing he is arrogant enough to think he can pay for what he wants (and I hope the judge doesn't give in to him again), or he really doesn't want the kids & is acting the way he is so that the courts rule otherwise & he can then use the courts to tell his family why he isn't seeing the kids.

Meanwhile, its a waiting game.

Hi rannii I am headed for children's trial. I picked up the first batch of DOCS affidavits today - around 500 pages and eight affidavcits. More to come Monday. The bottom line; get involved in basically any entity from the police to DOCS; or medical practise and it is all laid bare in astounding detail. My ex actions are truly staggering (a lot I just did not know).

So the point? If your situation degenerates; and you were to end up in a similar position no stone is left unturned (the psychological report on my kids is mind blowing - it puts a framework to what I feel). I.e. I'm afraid it's going to be a long road for you but if it gets worse he will not beat the system. Hopefully it will get better for you.

I forget calmar,

Are you self repping??? I know you're going through a hard time.

Thankfully my ex tried to institutionalise me last year. Figured it was worth exploring my mental health. One thing about opening up - kids actually have a mental health spext. Started before ex was interested in them - so it can't be seen as me trying "to dodgy up" the effect the reintro of dad into kids lives. I know what you mean about details.

As it was all run from public funds - ex subpeona picked up this.   Their obviously has been an ongoing (extremely positive) assessment of me as a carer as part of this.

I just want him to stop the vendetta that is against me & look towards kids best interests.

If he wants Disneyland dad, get times to suit. If he wants more time, then start caring for the children.

Must I mention currently being stonewalled by ex and his solicitor. Com to his solicitor was run through a family law spext & all is reasonable and on task - so no reason to stonewall.

Enjoy your reading!! I do hope its a little less painful for you coming up.