by Ticcer  09/01/2014  691 Page Views
6 Comments  Family & de facto law, financial agreements, consent orders
Hi. I am preparing an affidavit for a domestic violence trial.

My ex applied for a DVO in March 2013. Her affidavit was an exercise in creative writing. Due to continuing economic and emotional violence I applied for a DVO in November 2013.

Throughout the 12 year relationship my ex was constantly in conflict with at least 2 or more people at her work; subordinates, co-workers, admin staff, peers. I never understood why this was the case because my ex had always been like a Little Bo Peep; well mannered, calm, sweet and accommodating.

My ex had to move country, in part, because of the conflict she had with co-workers and peers. I followed 2 years later.

In Mid 2012 a massive complaint involving 3 named complainants and 8 unnamed complainants was submitted by one of my ex's work peers for bullying and harassment, against my ex partner.

The bullying and harassment complaints were, in part, the catalyst for my 2nd attempt to separate from my ex in October 2012, because, after reading the complaints, I realised that I wasn't alone and experienced much of the same frustrations and abuses as my ex's subordinates had described in their complaints. I do not have a copy of the complaints.

After reading the complaints, the most obvious thing to me was that the complainants found it difficult to describe exactly what the abuses of my ex partner were, apart from not listening or not taking my point of view into consideration or Humiliating me in front of others However, the complainants were very clear about the negative emotional and psychological effects of the abuses. After experiencing much abuse, I now understand why this was the case.

Regarding one of the named complainants, my ex sent me a txt message that said "Yeah, will enjoy tearing her apart in a v logical objective & factual manner. They all seem to forget I write logical arguments 4 a living!"

Through contact with my ex's arch enemy at her work, I understand these bullying and harassment complaints were resolved sometime in the 1st half of 2013. My ex still has a job. My ex works in an industry where her subordinates come and go over time or can choose to work with other people.

In late 2012, my ex went into lock-down mode, preventing me from knowing anything about our financial situation, or what was going on in her life and our child's life. Being excluded from our child's life was another of the many reasons why I wanted to leave the relationship.

Since late 2012 my ex systematically destroyed my ability to work my business which had to close. I lost my income. She prevented me from having time with or knowing what is going on with our child under 3 years old, prevented me from being able to successfully complete my affidavit for her DVO application, ostracised me from all our friends. In May 2012 she was successful with her ouster order that left me practically homeless and destitute were it not for an acquaintance I hardly knew on the other side of our suburb.

Occasionally, my ex BCC'd me on emails involving minor disputes with other co-workers, that demonstrate the way she uses language to make things look like her point of view is the truth.

Question: Can I list/name all the people my ex had conflict with over the 12 years, in my affidavit?
Question: Can I appendix emails in which I have been BCC'd that are conversations between my ex and her co-workers/subordinates?
Question: Can I subpoena my ex's work for a copy of the bullying and harassment complaints?

In my ex's family in Europe (we are both migrants), there is a family history of violence on the female side (mother and sister).

The home circumstances of my ex and the violence my ex grew up with was so bad that just before she entered her teens she took responsibility for her father's well-being (her father has a very specific disability), and practically all the domestic duties for the home and her 2 younger siblings, because her mother was ordered to leave the family home.

My ex's mother is a family secret and not discussed much. I have emails that I was BCC'd on between my ex and her sister's ex husband that hint at the behaviour of my ex's sister and how it was like "History repeating itself".

Question: Can I include those emails in my affidavit?

I have many audio recordings of our conversations during late 2012 and the 1st half of 2013 that demonstrate how slippery my ex is. I have transcribed many of those conversations myself.

Question: Is there any way to get those conversations in evidence or in my affidavit without costing me an arm, leg and kidney?

I have been seeing a psychologist due to the stress and emotional abuse. I played some of the recordings I have to my psychologist, who suggested to me that I am dealing with a narcissist.

One important recording involved our child after a suspected child abuse incident. My psychologist said that in the eyes of our child, the primary carer switched from my ex to me. Indeed to this day, our child protests at the prospect of going back to mummy after the 1 day my ex allows our child to be in my care.

My ex is very intelligent, calculated and cunning. Her success thus far is deeply frustrating and emotionally damaging. I feel like the complainants at her work when around her; anxious, sick, and sweaty.

Question: Is there anything I can do to inform the court about the real possibility that my ex is psychologically 5 cans short of a 6 pack and will continue the violence until the authorities step in?

My current situation is not good. My income is low and my situation has allowed certain people I thought were friends to take advantage of me financially. My ex will not negotiate on anything, has broken all previous agreements and continues to force economic stress on me in relation to our child. I am not from Australia. I am not eligible for Centrelink assistance for almost another year. I cannot leave Australia. My options are few.

In a Jan 2014 court appearance the magistrate excused herself from our case for bias in favour of my ex. We have to have affidavits prepared by Feb 2014 and March 2014 for a trial in April 2014.

Any help would be much appreciated.

Thanks for reading