4 Comments Family & de facto law, financial agreements, consent orders
I understand the desirability of your daughter being able to build a relationship with her mother, despite the mothers mental health problems, but given the fact that your former partner intends moving back in with her mother, who has her own problems, ie registered sex offender. Perhaps the visitation could take a different form to the usual.
Do you have a spare room at your place where your former partner could stay overnight now and again? If so perhaps you could facilitate the relationship building by inviting your former partner over, when you intend going out for the evening.
I know, it's out of left field, but something like this may assist your daughter, while not significantly increasing her anxiety or risk of harm.
Hi there Martin, thanks for your reply. Whilst I understand your suggested approach to things there are many reasons why this could not be an option, My ex has a habit of getting involved with the wrong people and in the past have had people threatening me and coming to my house etc, the other thing is due to her instability and irrationality there is no possible way i could trust her in my house, especially if I'm not around, and to be completely honest even if I suggested it to her she would refuse immediately...
Perhaps I'm looking more for the advice or opinions of people who have been through the court system as I think this is the only way it can be sorted UNLESS she gets her own place and provides a stable environment for our daughter.... AND signs some sort of agreement in regards to her mother...
I am cringing my teeth to write this...
There is a perception out there that the courts favour the mother. Phrases like 'favour' are very broad and hard to qualify. The courts rarely get it right... WHY??? well when it comes to families and kids etc there is no right, It isn't like criminal court where it is either innocent or guilty... BUT I would like to think that the courts get it close to right more than they get it completely wrong.
So my thoughts are you don't have to worry about whether the courts are inherently sexist against men. They are not. (feels that way from where I sit...)
So my thoughts go like this
1. I agree with Martin's suggestion to offer her an evening at your house. WHY? Well you've said she will almost certainly knock it back. Helps you demonstrate that you are a cooperative parent and you are looking for solutions, BUT letting your daughter stay with a convicted sex offender isn't a solution.
2. So given my statement about courts mostly getting it right. Let me re-phrase your question and then you can tell me what do you reckon... Is it likely that the courts are going to force a child who has seen a child psychologist because of anxiety etc to have overnight visits with a parent who has a history of mental health issues AND while those visits are occurring there will be a registered sex offender present.... What do you reckon???
Mate if you have documented every missed visit, every 2am phone call to come pick up the child because she is distraught you have nothing to fear from the courts.
I'd encourage you to maintain the day time visits and make sure you have a very clear paper trail that demonstrates that you are trying to encourage a relationship with the mother BUT that you are not prepared to jeopardise the welfare of the child by having the child residing with a registered sex offender.
I hope your daughter's anxiety issues improve.
emca01 2014-02-07 03:24:08
Thanks Eamon, when you put it like that, it seems to make more sense...
I am definitely trying to maintain the relationship with her mother and trying to offer alternatives if indeed my ex does move back to her mothers place but all I'm getting in reply is abuse etc...
Anyway thanks for your perspective, intend to worry a lot and always see things with the worst possible outcome...