Property split fairness, sorry for being lengthy

Hi,
I am new to this and am lost in what to do, I have been married for over 15 yrs and now seperated and out of our home for over 2yrs officially but has been longer whilst at living in our home. I have 2 children 9 & 7. It has come to the stage of splitting assets etc.. all the things I thought would be ok as she indicated would be when I decided to move out and of course is not now.
I moved back in with family for the past 2yrs and have still paid the mortgage which is over $2k a month, I do pay child support as per the calculator and prob a bit more as I have my kids from Thur after school and returning on Sun evening for all this period and even when I was at home had them on the weekends as my ex works every weekend for the past 5+ yrs. only taken Wed off. We have been alternate every 2nd Sat night from 5:30pm with me picking them up Sun mornings again this enables me to go out with my girlfriend and start a new life.

That's a bit about my back ground and have 2 Questions:
- re splitting of the house I offered her a 60-40 split in her favour based on info I received rembembering I have still paid the mortgage alone since I seperated and not lived there. She has now comeback with wanted 75-25 her favour after speaking to what she says legal aid but I think it's friends. We agreed when I moved out that we wouldn't touch eacjph others super and she now says 75-25 split or I also go for super. This split would hurt me alot in setting up myself again and getting a place of my own instead of staying with family which I also pay board. I have my kids every weekend as I mention and that costs as I pay all things that come up ie parties, hair cuts, shoes half the Private health fund I have my car loan, credit card payments which she raked up but I am paying she only has the kids after school mon - wed and Sunday nights and only paying the utilities and food during this time.

I also have had to do the garden care as she doesn't and if I don't well the weeds and grass would be as high as the fence. I feel her requests is unreasonable. I have also another car loan which is her car i got that she has paid since separating but wants me to put it under her name which leaves me with the loan and have disagreed to this until settlement and she pays that off and I transfer to her name which I feel is fair.

- I want to review the arrangements with care of our kids not to lessen my days but move them at times giving me some week ends with full days off rather than Sat night to pick up Sun morning. Two reasons 1) so she can spend more quality time with them on weekends being young and doing things with them that the miss and comment on. 2) so I can have sometime to move on and creat a new life. I have told her I would pick up those days on a weekday ie she picks up 1 full weekend day every 2 weeks in return I pick up an extra weekday that week. She has advised me that is working schedule has been for years so why should stephe change? Firstly it's a casual job working ridiculous hrs of her choice as permanent role reduce her weekly $ and she also has had 2yrs to sort it out as we spoke re this when I moved out.

I am being walked over as I was when together she knows I m soft and uses that in fact nothing has changed since I moved out for her she has her freedom the same with out me being there.

Sorry for the lengthy story but I am really lost on what my entitlements are and what to do next. I am seeking second legal advice next week.

Thank you so much jaazzz for your reply, it is reassuring to hear some of the feedback you provide as at times you just feel alone and at a loss and this is really helpful.

Re Super yes she has super I have about $150k and she has about $55k. So I don't know what is the best scenario giving her more of the house and no super but I guess the lawyer I see Friday can help.

Re the garden this is what I was planning to do get someone in and keep the receipts.
Re the mortgage I am pretty sure see wont pay anything and the issue will be the banks taking control if I only pay 50% as it will not meet repayments.
Re the mediation I thought if she decides no changes leave as it is then I am stuck with that and I am not going to just drop the kids off and tell her that you can have them today / night as this will be damaging to the kids and ammunition for her to use with the kids.

How does this certificate for filing to the family court works I wasn't aware of this, all I want is fairness and equity around weekends and week days each of us has I am not wanting less days with my kids I still want to maintain this.

Again thank you I am not sure if this is your views or you have some experience in this field but thanks.

You could contact the bank and ask to go interest only until settlement. You seem very fair & reasonable - best of luck.

Well I have seen a solicitor today as mention I would and this is the second in 2 years to get a second opinion and pretty much the same news, she would be entitled to 60% plus 50% of super. If I take her offer of 75% of the house and walk away it is a cheaper option he said and as much as it sucks and may not sound fair it is cheaper than the 60% plus 50% of super because there is nothing in writing re our agreement not to touch each others supper at time of seperation even thou mine is 100k more. Unfortunately this sucks so with my 25% and after paying debts on cards rung by her mainly and being so nice paying the mortgage the last 2years a 44yr old successful professional starts again from zero. So much for her comment of not wanting to financially ruin me while she walks away after everything with $120K and this is fair?

I have spoken to the bank thanks for advice on changing to interest only they are sending forms while the priority is to sell the house and close this off I think.

Such a bitter pill to swallow!

TD,

Fairness is not a consideration in property settlements. I empathise deeply. Fight for every cent because you'll kick yourself for not doing so later on.

As soon as her lawyer presents her with 'in range' figures, her good intentions will vanish. It's not a fun process but I hope that you can salvage something from it.

TD, your line about "being so nice paying the mortgage the last 2years a 44yr old successful professional starts again from zero" rings scarily true to me.

I'm 42years old and my wife and I seperated in 2009. I kept paying my share of the mortage whilst living elsewhere because if I didnt, she couldnt afford the house and ultimately its my kids home.

Recovering that money doesnt bother me, but my problem is now getting my wife to get on with the divorce. I suppose she's got a good deal and doesnt want it to end. In hindsight, I do regret my generousity a bit.

Thank you Sharrison all sounds so similar, whilst thinking its best for the children by assisting the ex, at the end of the day it has not been about the children in her eyes but how much the she can get away with. Frankly life hasn't changed for her actually it's better....

Greatdad 10, I totally agree I will pay and pay the drama is which is the least to pay chewing it up in court fees and getting nothing, I really am not sure as much as i would love to i don't think I am going to get that money back or part of it, that's what my lawyer thinks.

Another spin to this is with the 2 options
- option (1) 60% of house equatity and 50%of super - she has told me that she gets the 50% of super paid upfront to which I said no the difference in super my claim on hers and hers on mine (clearly she gets more as I have more super) goes into her super account. She thinks she gets that upfront also?????
-option (2) 75% of house equatity and walk away no super touched!

She knows overal option 2 is cheaper but leaves me bugger all to pay my debts, so I am thinking of buying her out and offering 70% walkway and then rent out the house whilst the value goes up?

My questions are:
- Is there any dangers re doing this I need to know about
- am I correct about the super



I have put another spin and that is buying her out

What is it with this forum lately. Lately there has been creeping in this idea that women are money hungry, uncaring, kid stealing, welfare dependent trolls/trogs. This type of talk doesn't help anyone.

There may be women who withhold kids for financial gain, but there are men who do the same thing too. There are parents of both genders who back stab the other parent to get the kids to live with them.

The notion that all men are innocent victims of greedy women is offensive and false.

TD if 75% of house is $120,000, and she doesn't touch your super, then you come out of it with total assets exceeding hers. Her - $120,000 plus $55,000 super. You $40,000 (25%of house) plus $150,000 super. That is a good deal, and would save you the hassle of super split and court in my opinion. That is if I have the numbers right.

Thread seems to be going off topic somewhat TD started this and I think he has his answers, I'll leave the thread open in case he hasn't. But the rest of you who wish to discuss the rights and wrongs of child support and associated matter might like to start a discussion thread over in the general area at the top of the board, and discuss away to your hearts content, but please keep it civil.

Apologies MartinO, TD and other forum members. I'll keep my ranting to a subdued minimum in future.