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iconoclast 
Groupie
Joined: 04/January/2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 1270
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 Quote  Reply
 Posted: 11/May/2012 at 15:22 |
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Gee wantpeace only $25k - that's a real bargain compared with what has happened to my now ex-partner at the hands of his ex de facto and mum of their only child (the princess now aged nearly 22) pursuant to her ongoing fraud of him re child support and their disputed "property settlement".
Fact is liars will lie even under oath in court (perjury) and apparently care not for any of the logical consequences of their impugned conduct. Field day for lawyers and a travesty of justice for those of us affected by these alleged trolls and troglodytes.
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not legal advice
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wantpeace
Senior Member
Joined: 19/October/2005
Posts: 935
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Quote Reply
Posted: 11/May/2012 at 16:00 |
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Oh I know. It was only the mortgage for 2 years - $50 000 so really $25 000 should have been attributed by her. No actually $50 000 should have been hers as she living in the house. That was why when she made an offer we just grabbed it so more money would have gone into the mortgage and even more if it went to court. The funny part was my partner made an offer first (60/40) and she rejected it and made her own. But the difference went in our favour by $5 000 as she included the total of super in her offer - so looked on paper to be more. We stated two separate figures - money + super and she never added the two together. When added together it was more than her offer. Also she assumed super would come as cash and when it didn't she refused to sign the documents so she got even less. But in actual fact we were all talking peanuts compared to so many others hardship in this area.
And yep, if it had gone to court we would all have been out so much more.
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AlmostFree
Newbie
Joined: 07/May/2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 17
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Quote Reply
Posted: 11/May/2012 at 16:04 |
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I would strongly advise doing anything to avoid a trial, it is stressful and very costly....
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Dazza1
Senior Member
Joined: 24/June/2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 239
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Quote Reply
Posted: 14/May/2012 at 09:28 |
Originally posted by AlmostFree
I would strongly advise doing anything to avoid a trial, it is stressful and very costly.... |
Sometimes this is impossible to avoid. I have a trial in 2 months, something i cannot avoid as the other party is totally unreasonable and self rep so prepared to go all the way, i have no choice really.
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TD
Newbie
Joined: 22/April/2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 16
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Quote Reply
Posted: 27/May/2012 at 17:45 |
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Well it's been 2 weeks since I made my offer to my ex which was 70% her favour and walk way and we keep each others super so up on my 60% and lower than her 75% I feel this is fair but no have yet recievedba response. After a follow up Iwith my ex i have been told busy at work haven't got onto it yet, well I am still paying the mortgage and the 75% my ex wanted didn't take long to get a response like this.
I feel my ex is stalling with no outcome not sure whatbmy next move is asvI really want to avoid court and solicitor costs as this would eat away at my 30% which I need.
I am lost on what I can do apart from following up and waiting whilst i still pay the mortgage......Is there anything else apart from legal avenue that I can do?
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AsiaOilDude
Legal Guru
Joined: 17/February/2011
Location: Singapore
Posts: 2486
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Quote Reply
Posted: 27/May/2012 at 18:33 |
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STOP paying the mortgage. That always helps and is not illegal. Yeah the bank will levy some penatlies and interest but the cash in your pocket and the psycops on your ex are priceless.
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Not legal advice. Personal opinion only. Seek legal advice from qualified personnel only.
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Sueby01
Senior Member
Joined: 25/May/2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 105
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Quote Reply
Posted: 28/May/2012 at 08:16 |
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Hi, I haven't read all the responses, but in my case, my ex moved out and left me with the mortgage, I wasn't working at the time, he was, and when I spoke to my lawyer about him paying 50% of the mortgage, I was advised and this advice was backed up by independent lawyers, that I was the sole occupant of the house, so I needed to pay the mortgage and he was under no obligation to contribute, which to me was a breach of contract issue with him and the bank, but long story short, he didn't have to pay, and was under no legally enforcible law to do so, as I had possession. My advice is, stop paying anything bar CS and I would see if your CS could be paid directly towards school fees, clothing etc so that the actual income going to her, dries up immediately. Your well within your rights to do so, as it is still CS, that way your kids don't suffer. The house is her responsibility she wants it, let her have it, tell her to buy you out. Then the mortgage is in her name, you would be amazed how quickly she can afford the mortgage or comes up with something else.
I am sorry your in this position. I am like you trying to be reasonable, and it's backfiring every step. All I can say is, keep being a great parent, give your kids the essentials in life, love and kindness. And make sure she doesn't get away with hurting you emotionally or financially anymore. I was married for 20 years and cannot fathom how someone who spent such a huge portion of my life with me, could do the crap he has, so I guess your still wondering that too. And lastly, get tough, I had to cause it was the only way they see you mean business and you won't take the crap anymore, and the benefit is, you start to feel better about things, as you no longer feel like a complete victim.
Best of luck to you.
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jaazzz
Moderator Group
Joined: 19/September/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 5353
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Quote Reply
Posted: 28/May/2012 at 09:04 |
Originally posted by TD
I am lost on what I can do apart from following up and waiting whilst i still pay the mortgage......Is there anything else apart from legal avenue that I can do? |
You have paid out over $50K in 2 years & are still paying. You're being taken for a mug. If you had stopped paying the mortgage after 6 mths, this would have been bought to a head & almost certainly resolved over a year ago.
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Any opinion given should not be accepted as legal advice.
Please post your legal questions in a forum rather than sending a PM. Thanks
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TD
Newbie
Joined: 22/April/2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 16
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Quote Reply
Posted: 28/May/2012 at 20:50 |
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I hear everyone and yes my ex is and has been taking my for a ride $56,700 mortgage repayments, she knows I am soft and dont put me first and I guess its for 2 reasons why I have those are:
1) if I stop paying and she doesn't pay it or falls behind it effects me also from a credit point of view as the mortgage is also under my name and when I go to get a mortgage it will be difficult having this over my head.
2) how it is told to my kids by my ex using that there dad has put her and them in that position they are only 9 and 7 and are the world to me and me to them...... I don't know what she will do
I have a close family and with the situation and paying the mortgage all those years to date I have been living at my parents in a room during this time and have the kids Thur- Sun so my parents adore their grandchildren, my siblings to their nephews as is the other way around with so much time together. So it's also the bigger picture that scares me and what maybe.
It's dam hard when natural it is not for me to be tough and take the emotion out of (not for her that was gone many, many years ago) but more about my kids if I didn't have them then no problems...... and she knows that!!!
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JC
Senior Member
Joined: 30/October/2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 118
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Quote Reply
Posted: 28/May/2012 at 22:22 |
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Kids can be quite robust assuming the right approach is employed.
AsiaOilDude is right and you need to start absorbing the advice on offer. Contact your lender and explain that the house will be sold. Ask if you can either stop paying the mortgage or as a minimum, pay interest only.
By contacting your lender and explaining your circumstances and the reason(s) for your request it'll most likely keep them on side and also takes away an enormous amount of leverage from your ex.
Is your concern that if you show some resistance that she'll withhold contact with your kids?
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Sueby01
Senior Member
Joined: 25/May/2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 105
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Quote Reply
Posted: 28/May/2012 at 23:25 |
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Sadly while we you continue to allow it, your ex will continue to take you for a ride.
IMO if she is capable of doing this to you financially without caring that what she is doing is morally wrong, then she is capable of telling your kids anything she pleases on any given day and most likely has.
I have been in your position, I had the same fears with regards to my credit rating etc, but at some point you need to empower yourself and realize she is doing this to you, and your allowing her to ..and she will keep doing it til you have nothing left!! It's your decision entirely but one valuable bit of advice my lawyer told me was no one can make you a victim unless you let them.
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TD
Newbie
Joined: 22/April/2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 16
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Quote Reply
Posted: 28/May/2012 at 23:27 |
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Thanks JC, I have advised the bank re interest only and they are sending paperwork out they will only agree to stop payment once a deal has occurred and is in the settlement period but not before. Interest only is a start thou.
Re the kids I think she may make it harder for me but not sure what she will tell the kids or portrey their dad to them, I am hoping not but who really knows.
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iconoclast
Groupie
Joined: 04/January/2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 1270
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Quote Reply
Posted: 28/May/2012 at 23:29 |
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And even when you stop allowing it and start the court process, you may find another whole raft of joys and cash extorting tactics. Stop being so "soft"; it's not a smart long-term plan. Stay "soft" and look forward to more extortion so you can be soft, broke and bitter. Please wake up.
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not legal advice
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TD
Newbie
Joined: 22/April/2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 16
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Quote Reply
Posted: 28/May/2012 at 23:36 |
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Agree Sueby01 re the advice given to you by your lawyer about being a victim the funny thing is I do not know if she thinks what she is doing is morally wrong......but then again I could just be gullible thinking that.
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TD
Newbie
Joined: 22/April/2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 16
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Quote Reply
Posted: 28/May/2012 at 23:40 |
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I am pretty bitter now as it is dragging on, i will send her an email tomorrow that enough is enough , let's see what happens will update you all as I do feel I am getting no where apart from bottling up anger that should be directed at myself for allowing this but i do not want to explode so I will lay my cards on the table with her even offer mediation if need be.
Thanks to all.
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jaazzz
Moderator Group
Joined: 19/September/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 5353
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Quote Reply
Posted: 29/May/2012 at 00:29 |
TD, may I suggest that if no progress is made fairly smartly in mediation, that instead of wasting more money on interest only payments (this will still keep a roof over her head free of charge to her) that you consider just filing an initiating application yourself & informing the bank of this & that it's now a court managed process & any arrears will be be met at settlement.
This has to be bought to a head some how & you can't continue to be paralysed by fear of what this person may do or say. If you need some support, call MensLine Australia . They have 24/7 online & phone support.
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Any opinion given should not be accepted as legal advice.
Please post your legal questions in a forum rather than sending a PM. Thanks
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AsiaOilDude
Legal Guru
Joined: 17/February/2011
Location: Singapore
Posts: 2486
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Quote Reply
Posted: 29/May/2012 at 00:39 |
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Your credit rating won't be as damaged as you think IF you stop paying the mortgage and use that to force a sale in which the bank comes out with all it's cash. You may need to go to a tier 2 or 3 lender next time but you can refinance quickly enough as your ratings improve again. Just don't default on the loan (i.e. let it go to a mortgagee sale).
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Not legal advice. Personal opinion only. Seek legal advice from qualified personnel only.
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Sueby01
Senior Member
Joined: 25/May/2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 105
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Quote Reply
Posted: 29/May/2012 at 13:50 |
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And on a side note, get yourself some counselling, or if that isn't your kind of thing, join a gym, start running on a beach or in a park on a daily basis, something you enjoy, that is just for you, to work through these soul destroying times, you deserve that. You seem like a good dad, so make sure your mental health is at peak performance so that you are able to be there physically and emotionally for your kids and also for yourself. You will never be any good to anyone, especially your kids if you aren't at your best. Take care.
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TD
Newbie
Joined: 22/April/2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 16
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Quote Reply
Posted: 15/June/2012 at 18:32 |
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Hi all,
A further update for all it's been a few weeks since my last post and it has now been exactly a month from my final offer of 71% of the house and yet no response back even after 2 follow up emails.
I have followed up with my ex on what is happening both verbally and written with the lack of response, when I dropped the kids off the last 2 times over the last 2 weeks my ex verbally assured me will get back to me the next day but i still have no reply verbally or written.
I sent an email late last night stating that due to the lack of any response back to me even after assurrance that you would the following day twice and yet have had nothing then i will be taking that lack of any response that you are not willing to settle this.
Is this the right approach? and now what are my options is it get a mediation meeting organized and if she doesn't show then I at least I can get a letter from them to enable to go to court??
I am guessing this will now be costing me a bit of money to get reolution, my ex has a health card and access to legal aid so will not be up for any or minimal costs!
Is there any other thing I should be doing and am I missing anything here??
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Daisy5
Senior Member
Joined: 01/June/2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 207
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Quote Reply
Posted: 15/June/2012 at 23:25 |
Originally posted by jaazzz
TD, may I suggest that if no progress is made fairly smartly in mediation, that instead of wasting more money on interest only payments (this will still keep a roof over her head free of charge to her) that you consider just filing an initiating application yourself & informing the bank of this & that it's now a court managed process & any arrears will be be met at settlement.
This has to be bought to a head some how & you can't continue to be paralysed by fear of what this person may do or say. If you need some support, call MensLine Australia . They have 24/7 online & phone support.
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TD, Jaazzz already told you what to do. File an initiating application. This will get the ball rolling. Don't waste your time with any more emails.
Go to www.familylawcourts.gov.au and find the form called "initiating application" fill out what orders you seek (i.e. the split you think is right) and file it at court. When you serve her with the form she will have to respond. You can do the form yourself. If you call them, the registry staff at the court tell you what form to use and how to serve your ex wife, but they can't give you any legal advice. Your case won't automatically go to court. There will be steps along the way where things should be able to be negotiated. The point is to force her to the negotiation table, and this is the way to do it.
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