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Wife Wants to Separate

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WAGuy1974 View Drop Down

Joined: 23/October/2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 4
  Quote WAGuy1974 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Wife Wants to Separate
    Posted: 23/October/2017 at 19:48
We have been married for 12 years.
We have a 5 year old son and an 11 month old son.
My wife has had post natal depression for 5 years.
She admits that she cannot cope in caring for our kids.
Once she ran away for a week overseas and left me to care for our then 3 year old son.
She has also run away a few times saying she was going to kill herself.
When our eldest was about 3 she twisted his arm by using too much force to the extent that we had to take him to see the doctor - one of many examples where she has lost her temper.
She has also previously come at me with a large kitchen knife.
She wants us to share equally in caring for our kids.
Our youngest is 11 months old and is breastfeeding.
She does not seem to be able to think logically.
I have real and genuine concerns for my wife's welfare and our kids if she has care of them.
This has been the one reason why I have not agreed to separate in the past.
But now she is insisting we separate.
Given my concerns, am I able to get full care of our kids (with the help of my parents and an au pair) notwithstanding our youngest is 11 months and breastfeeding.
Any help would be appreciated.

citizen-joe View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member

Joined: 09/October/2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 759
  Quote citizen-joe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23/October/2017 at 22:05
She can separate any time she likes, all she has to do is walk out the door, if she does that the two of you will have joint responsibility for the kids till a court orders otherwise.

In light of what you have said perhaps it's time for you to agree to this separation to her and see a family law solicitor regarding the future care arrangements for the kids. Do you have any evidence of her erratic behaviour? Does she have any evidence that would attribute that behaviour to anything you may have done? If so you better tell the solicitor about it so he is not caught on the hop if this goes to court.

Master Dong View Drop Down

Joined: 18/August/2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 41
  Quote Master Dong Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21/January/2018 at 11:36
We have a serious mental health problem in this country!
It has a drastic effect on peoples lives.

Coping with everyday life without mind altering medication is an essential necessity for a fit and proper person.

I have been though a similar experience to you.

You will find that nobody is willing to do anything for you, unless your children are in immediate danger of physical abuse or sexual abuse. Basically, it needs to be a life or death situation for your kids.

My separated ex stays up all night, sleeps during the day, my 11 year old cooks for the other kids while x sleeps.
Kids miss 70 days of school per year while in her care.
Strikes kids in the face
Called DHHS almost 100 times.
All perfectly acceptable to DHHS.
Police constantly knocking on my door responding to my X'es crazy claims
Spent $20 000 with family lawyer to date. Nothing changes. Nobody can control your x, she could be a pathetic excuse for a mother, but she is the kids mother, so she will do as she pleases, when she pleases.
The mental health issue is completely unrecognised in this country.

Your wife is the perfect canidate for an unethical lawyer. I really hope for your sake, that she does not meet one!

Her offer of equal shared care is actually very generous. It will enable you to maintain regular contact with the kids and make it harder for her to alienate you from the kids. This is essential in the long term as her mental health declines.

Your refusal to separate will be interpreted as an abusive controlling form of behaviour. There are government funded Womens support groups that will take on your X and support her fully and allow her erratic behaviour to continue. These groups are often run by femanists. They tell her exactly what to say so the Police act for her AGAINST you!

Buckle up buddy.

Edited by Master Dong - 21/January/2018 at 11:38

Luisa View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member

Joined: 08/June/2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 232
  Quote Luisa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22/January/2018 at 10:32
WA Guy I would think separation is best right now. Maybe her depression is exacerbated by living with you? Not being critical, just realistic. She has a young baby and a small child. If she feels unhappy in the marriage, having 2 kids will make her feel trapped. If you separate you may find her head clears. Maybe she will want reconciliation, maybe she won't. At this stage, who knows? But best for the kids if she gets her head clear.

Also it may actually be the kids she can't cope with. Plenty of women can't. But again, who knows until you have them? And then it's too late. If you guys separate, she may decide to let you have the kids more often, if that is what she needs to stay sane.

Best for all concerned if she can get her head clear.

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