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Self Rep'd respondent - affidavit help

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DIYFL View Drop Down

Joined: 19/February/2018
Location: Australia
Posts: 5
  Quote DIYFL Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Self Rep'd respondent - affidavit help
    Posted: 19/February/2018 at 00:31
First time poster and I apologise in advance for the length of this , but given I've pretty much exhausted all legal aid opportunities( both prior and post first hearing ) within my area and getting nowhere I'm running out of options.


In respondent mother re parenting orders which were filed under exempt by dad ( long story how that was granted ) and first hearing was in Dec 17 and having 3 bus. Days to prepare before court , I was unable to to file anything in time. I did however have a draft affidavit prepared but unsealed / witnessed etc so was never presented .
Interim orders were made which were neg between me and dad's barrister ( orders I wanted were put in place ).

Matter has even transfered to FCC in March and I'm still needing to file my docs . My issue is trying to shorten my affidavit , but given dad's affidavit was filled with false / misleading info and failed to provide full info regarding other children etc , first few pages of mine is filled with what he's missed and required . I also am needing to include info regarding the current IVO orders that are places against his wife which protects both our daughter and myself . As she consented without admission for both the initial and ext. Order , I'm needing some assistance as to what I need include regarding this ...& a number of other things due to a whole heap of clarifications needing to be made against his affidavit ( 29/37 there's issues against ). So I will try to narrow it down and I thank you all In advance for ANY assistance you may be able to help with . Ok here goes ....

- I plan to annex both the Final personal protection order & the current final family violence order ( it was transferred over to FVO at ext hearing ), as she consented without admission , would it be wise to file with my Better / furthers &/or photo / text evidence I have against this which was never filed or requested by the court ( other than BFP).

- During their last seperation , dad himself needed to place one on her to protect he and the children which I've noted under "safety concerns and history " , I've also noted the info regarding all this as I was present at the time including violent incident between dad and his father in law which IVOs were filed against both of them but never wnt to court . As there is still safety concerns for our daughter whilst in his care &I believe the court should be aware of all this , but how much do I note in my first affidavit ?

Dad also has an injunction placed on him if he allows his wife to come In contact with our daughter ... This i also want kept in place but wondering how I note that ? I also want to note my concerns of his lack of acknowledgment / concern regarding his wife's violent / abusive behaviour espscially given that the ext order was granted on the basis & evidence I had of the continuation of FV within their home ( that he had actually provided me) in which one incident was regarding how wife hit her 13 yr old autistic stepson .

**** I OF COURSE WILL BE FILING NOTICE OF RISK BUT ASSUME THAT WHAT IS NOTED ON THAT COMES FROM THE INFO IN MY AFFIDAVIT ? So need to get that sorted first , it was actually the NOticd of Risk that wAs what was delaying me in filing before he did as I needed legal advice which was unable to get ( not to mention all the conflicting advice I was able to obtain regarding different matters at different stages prior to he filing in court ) then cop the time of yr being Xmas also and firms being reluctant to assist as they were all going on leave .*******

False claims include which I have evidence against all but unsure which and how much do I annex at this point and what to save for trial .

1. HUGE contradiction re the length of our relationship (& I'm talking years!) am noting that of course .

2. he stating he paid to secure my rental property ( not true ) and is a guarantor .. There is no guarantor & my lease agreement proves that .. As ths is his attempt to show me having financial insecurity ,I was going to annex it ... Do I or save it for trial ?

2. False info / conversations regarding incidents leading up to these proceedings . I have txt proof against ... Do I include that now ? THERES A LOT WHICH IN DRAFT AFFIDAVIT THATS WHERE IM STRUGLING TO SHORTEN THE PARAS. They also in a way roll into one big incident but over a certain period of time .

3. Claims he was never allowed unsupervised access ... I offered him parenting plan which proves against it back in aug 17 which he refused to discuss and tried the " love bombing " ( yes he's a narc ) again and which things went down hill from there as he realised he was loosing control over me . Many incidents happened since and he still has his tantrums when I don't respond to his requests or engage in any convo .

I know that most can wait into trial but to ensure the "real" picture is put across and history / current concerns / examples / clarifications etc are all needed , Plus needing to add in the additional stuff since interim orders were made to support what I'm requesting for in the next set of interim orders , my affidavit is going to be too long and I don't want it thrown out the window .. Especially given it will be written by me rather than a lawyer .

You over it yet ? Know I am & the need to have had to repeat this all million times (& what's posted is only half the story but relevant). It takes the whole "free consultation" time just to try get the lawyers head around it!!
Anyways now to the orders ...

- bubs is 17 months old
- we have never lived together since bubs was born
- dad had open access & time Actually spent with her was approx 1-2hrs / 3-4 times a week
- this occurred uSualy when he either wanted something from me, mostly when he was pushing boundaries & I was trying to implement them by requesting he arrange times properly instead of just showing up ( in which 9/10 times I gave in to) until he started making the pattern clearer and times he was " requesting " to see bubs wAs at times he knew I wouldn't be agreeable to .., so yes just to rack up the " I've asked , she said no" count.


Bubs has time with dad
tues & thur 5-7pm
Sundays 10 am - 1pm
Every week


Tues & Thurs 5:30 - 8pm
Sat 3pm - sun -10am
Every week

*** under final orders section all it has is " dad be excused from noting his request of final orders until a family report has been completed " or something to that effect. Should I also just be stating that in my response to file ? ******



While very happy with the current orders being in the best interest for our daughter , preparing the foundation for final orders later down the track , along with factors including possible relocation for future employment , but Also for the fact that whilst I've alwYs done my best to facilitate the ongoing relationship & development between bubs , dad & his other children ....the current arrangement makes it difficult for bubs & my 12 yr old son ( who primarily lives with his father ( no orders regarding that ) to have a "meaningful relationship " given the Tavel time required etc and also my now need to get public transport
( don't ask ,but another form of punishment received by dad ).

So given these factors and as mentioned keeping final orders in mind and aiming for a "step up " approach re care arrangements also over time . I have no immediate plans to move ( like in next 3-6months but possible 6-12months time & this being approx 45mins -1hr awAy from where I / dad are currently ). Sooooo I'm proposing

Bub has time with dad

Every second Sunday 9am - 1pm ( so additional hr ) with increase after 3 months to 8 am - 1 pm ( thinking mAy need that as my negotiating option though as he's not going to like every second weekend ) . Reason behind the 1pm is currently it seems to work that although she usually has her nap before 1pm , I've found that she lasts until we get home and then goes for her nap and still allows me to be able to do things with her or get things done that's required in the afternoon. Given she has never "napped " with dad before and only lasts until we get home is mainly due to her being entertained ( or keep awake ) by his youngest son who's 7. So I can see for if he would be required to put her down for nap , then he will use that as an excuse for being late for drop off ( which he already does most times without have nap excuse ) so was more looking at it bein easier on everyone .

And gradual step up to 6 then 8 hrs over time on the Sunday

And still trying to work out a week day time but due to her bed time routine I see me proposing

Wed 5pm - 7pm ( or 7:30pm ) every week. Issue I'm already having is bubs is showing signs of attachment issues since new arrangement which has been effecting her both day and night time sleeping routine and it becoming more difficult

REMEMBER THIS IS ALSO BASED ON BUBS ( & I ) BEING ABLE TO SPEND APPROPRIATE TIME WITH MY SON / HER BROTHER , WHICH WOULD ONLY BE ABLE TO FACILITATE OVER WEEKENDS WHICH BEING MUM ALSO , I would think I'm entitled to be able to spend a full weekend with both my children together given previous and current circumstances .

Not looking at overnights at any time soon and given dad was requesting me to go outside the orders within 3 days of the hearing (& many occasions since ) to allow him more time and failing to acknowledge that bubs needs time to adjust to this new routine and given the little "hands on time "previously spend with her ( not to mention recent behaviours which I've needed to note with his lawyer ) , I think he needs to stop thinking of me and our relationship and concentrate on the time he has with our daughter and enjoy it and utilise it and help that bond grow etc.

So that's is a SNAPSHOT believe it or not and again sorry for the length of it and appreciate & welcome ANY suggestions/advice / comments .
Thank you

citizen-joe View Drop Down
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Joined: 09/October/2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 646
  Quote citizen-joe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19/February/2018 at 01:08
Your post is far too long to digest, please add a further post outlining in dot points, what you wish to know. Readers can then refer back to your original post if they require any fine detail to answer you.

emca01 View Drop Down
Legal Guru
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Joined: 20/July/2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2243
  Quote emca01 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19/February/2018 at 09:15
12 yr old son... To the same dad as bub?
13 yr old son with Autism? same child? different child?
17mth old child? One night a week for a 17mth old seems pretty reasonable. So you have a 17 mth old child and dad is married to someone else? Was he married to her at the time the child was born?

Look there is lots in your post that isn't relevant. Possibly not all your fault. So for your affidavit all you have to do is label each of his paragraphs. So FOR example. in paragraph 3 he says you're the devil. All you have to write is - in response to paragraph 3,I disagree.
But if the main point of concern here is a 17 mth old having 1 night a week. I reckon you're mis-guided... Sure attachment theory and all that BUT how does dad form an attachment when the amount of time he spends with the child is substantially less than some kids might spend in child care?

Edited by emca01 - 19/February/2018 at 10:14

rannii View Drop Down
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Joined: 25/May/2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 1135
  Quote rannii Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19/February/2018 at 14:02

Long message,   And I am at work atm -   But I will point out the following:

1. Affidivavit. Keep this short and don’t worry about disputing his. There was a para I put in mine as a coveat to state I had right of reply later. The affidavit won’t really be read and is a waste of time. Save it for trial.   Just factually list things. Keep it short. Stick to facts, and what you want the end result to be.

2. Interim orders seem appropriate. Request family report (long form). And use this as a guide to what you will seek in final orders. (Ie half of each holidays and every second weekend), state you will take guidance on family report writer of best way to do.

3. Clear weekend? Not going to happen so young.   Dad needs short and frequent time with bubs moving to overnight.   Your elder child will get to spend time with bubs at you place for the whole weekend minus a few hours.

FYI, entered court with 5mth old and 20mth old and narc ex. Lies everywhere.   No over night time until bubs was 2.     But dad had 3 of 5 weekend days a fortnight.   

First overnight time was from 4pm to 10am the following day for maybe 6 months (with 9 hours the following Sunday) and then 4pm to following 5pm one weekend and then we went to alternate weekends when bubs was 3.

Also that “attachment stuff” is normal and just child adapting to routines. We had stupid orders which was over nap times, and that was granted to give the father the opportunity to part take in that part of life - he didn’t. ( bubs got hospitalised and docs involved,   But it didn’t matter).

For your peice of mine - nap times change so much as it is - so working out routines for her now, will not suit her in 4 months time.   Get your court orders and then sort your life out around that.

DIYFL View Drop Down

Joined: 19/February/2018
Location: Australia
Posts: 5
  Quote DIYFL Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19/February/2018 at 15:23
Thank you all for responses so far and I do apologise for the length of it , think after having to go over it a million times I've become accustom to trying to cover everything need to know all at once when given the opp ( meaning app with legal rep). Ok dot points:

1. - how much of the IVO info do I need to include In affidavit ? Also how much of the precious history regarding safety concerns ?

2. Having read many places a response stating " para # x I deny / disagree" not overly appreciated by the courts / judge , so was unsure how much. Do I clarify ?

3. Worthwhile annex suggests ..
       - Offered parenting plan from last yr he declind ?
        - Lease agreement proven against his. Claims of being knight in shining armor paying for          it when he hasn't and there's no guarantor ?
       - even some text msgs in evidence against some claims ?
      - as IVO was consent with admission , attach further , better particulars along with orders ?

I also just come back from intro mediation session & was handed their pack at the end & only just read the " suggested options for care arrangements " & am absolutely gob smacked & so angry '!! Half aren't even possible for working parents and considering all the research of options. And studies etc I've done and have printed ... This is way off tehe charts !! No fine print where and what their optios are based of NOTHING. And has just made my case a lot harde r knowing what dad " thinks his options are "   Just cause it what family law court are aligned with & mediation they refer you to !

I'll also come back shortly & response directly to the comments where questions are asked etc & THANK U ALL ONCE AGAIN. :)

rannii View Drop Down
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Joined: 25/May/2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 1135
  Quote rannii Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19/February/2018 at 20:11

get yourself some counselling. It will work wonders.

Work out what it is you are seeking long term? This will help you prepare your affidavit.
Read some of the AUSTLII cases to help reassure you - it is very rare for 50:50 to be awarded at a court level, unless kids older/history of 50:50 etc.

What he wants NOW, is a ploy to scare you.   Let you think that he wants 50:50 care, and then you may settle for 5 nights per fortnight without court.

You are right, your child is young, you child has never lived with the father, you have a high conflict situation. All this will get taken into account.

Take everything a step at the time.   Do Not Breach the current court orders, and do everthing to ensure that the relationship between father and the child.   Your ex could be like mine, and shoot himself in the foot, or he could step up and surprise you.   Give him the chance.

Do not be overly controlling. GIve him the childs routine - but don't expect him to stick to you. Don't get angry if he doesn't. He has the right to parent however he wants, and obviously you have very different value sets. You might think your way of parenting is better, however that is your opinion. There are all types of parents in the world.

Also, the working thing will not hold up in court. There are lots of 2 parent families who work 5 days each week, and successfully raise kids. Choosing to spend time at home with kids is a value set, and is neither right or wrong.

With the affidavit.   Yep, do not respond to each part of his affidavit. It likely not to get read. Be brief, and make sure each part supports your application.

Start off with History.   
You met at X, you lived together you separated.

Then go into what has happened since separation, in terms of child's visitation. How is has progressed, what has happened.

Talk about your family unit. (ie, another child etc, work commitments, your support networks)

Talk about his family unit. (ie spouse, other child, your assumptions of work) Mention his separation from spouse (take out all emotion), and your belief at XYZ that an AVO was undertaken, then they reconciled.

Then talk about "Factors affecting child welfare".   Talk briefly about AVO, what bought it one etc. Keep it factual. Why you thought it was necessary

Discuss history of violence, but take out emotion.   ie, on 12 September an altercation between the father and I leave to police presence.   The father held a knife to me, neighbors called the police.

The go into proposed court orders.   How you see these working? Why it would be in the best interest of the child. How it supports a strong and meaningful relationship with the father. Again, request a family report - this will help guide your way.

Court is a long time. And lots of games are played. Try not to get caught up in it. Take each step one at a time.

DIYFL View Drop Down

Joined: 19/February/2018
Location: Australia
Posts: 5
  Quote DIYFL Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19/February/2018 at 21:12
Thanks for your comment emca01

12 yr old is to my ex ( we seperated 10yrs ago )

Dad has :
2x daughters ( 20 & 18yrs )
& 13 yr old autistic son
To his ex

& 7yr old son to current wife ( who IVO is against and whom he seperated from and reconciled).

17 month old daughter is ours and who these proceedings are regarding . I've known for 20odd yrs.

My main concerns are based that dad isn't exactly thinking or considering what's actually best for bubs and is more concerned on punishing me as he's not happy anout loosing control over me and I'm no longer complying to his wishes .

I'm all for co parenting and there were no issues with my ex regarding my 12yr old , no court , no orders , no fighting .. Perfect seperation and care arrangements just fell into place .

With dad now re bubs .... He had open access previously and so many ops to build his relationship where by now O/N may not be that far off for consideration , but with evidence of FV within their home and that been presented at court same time ext or order was filed and granted .... Our daughter is unable to communicate and also at high risk of exposure to FV which I will of course note in notice of risk

DIYFL View Drop Down

Joined: 19/February/2018
Location: Australia
Posts: 5
  Quote DIYFL Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19/February/2018 at 21:31
Thank you for your comment rannii

Defiantly wanting & needing counciling & plan to arrange it once I am able to fit in time around bubs , dad's time , trying to get legal advice /rep, public transport , mediation , sourcing care arrangements for bubs , her activities etc & as you all are aware ., the stupid amount of papaerwork ! 😉.

Dad's not going for 50/50 at the moment but is trying to guilt/ manipulate / force and expect me to go outside the current orders and give him more time and yes to settle out of court ( also his way to try ensure my side of events and te truth not to be heard).

Unfortunatly at this stage he's unable to even agree to a communication book ( cause I requested it to limit conflict ) I've written in it and offer it ever visit and he refuses it along with the bag of basic bub stuff . Concerning especially whilst she was sick and medication details etc in it .

I've amended my affidavit off the first draft ( never filed last hearing ) but just with the recent events needing to be added , I've struggled to limit it to what the court will take into consideration and what they see relevant at this stage of the proceedings .
Also didn't want to be frouned upon with para xxxxxxxxx having " I deny etc " all against . Trying to pick the "most relevant " out of all the lies is hard given there is so many lol.

rannii View Drop Down
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  Quote rannii Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19/February/2018 at 22:35
Ignore his lies and don’t try to point score.

Focus on bubs and the current situation.

I had a 2 day trial and the judge did not read any of the material, my initial material or my final.

For family report a lot of the “violence” is or down to stress of separation and once this settles down so will conflict - obviously they have never dealt with a narc.

Our 2 day trial consisted of being pushed out the room to try and settle things and then 90 mine in front of the judge and orders delivered there and then. Basically the family report was stamped.

Fill out the form “notice of family violence” that shoots through to DOCS and a report back is made - so any material surfacing out of that will hopefully assist and as it’s independent will carry weight. Any incident of FV where a child is witnessed is notified to DOCS.    This will validate your claims of FV.   

One thing to think about - this woman has a child in her care that hasn’t been taken away - so she hasn’t been proven unfit.    But given the FV how do you anticipate the relationship between parent and child to progress???

DIYFL View Drop Down

Joined: 19/February/2018
Location: Australia
Posts: 5
  Quote DIYFL Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20/February/2018 at 00:46
I do question that Rannii and good point and although I was present during the court proceedings between dad and wife & whilst there was both an FIVO placed on her then also by dad ( 1 yr prior to mine) to protect e and his other children, notice of risk filed by dad stating the risk factors .... Yet I'm unsure as to whAt happened following that given I know that claims are forwarded to DOCS.

This may also be that only few months following all this and narc dad got his way in court against her ... His house / assests etc were all under thread and then they reconciled ( so yes both breaching the FVIO that was in place mind you ) . So In saying that , further results may have come out of that but I was just unaware . .... BUT could also be that dad got primary custody of their son though too ... So in greater scheme of things , may also be that nothing more come out of it given the " risk & orders " were in place to protect their son .

That was back in jan 2016 , incident between her and I ( that happened In front of bubs) happened jan 2017, & then dad had provided me written evidence of 3 x incidents regarding 3 diff family members / diff situations , all in the same month being Oct 17 and which wife was the cause of .

Funny enough dad informed me days before he filing in court that "they have seperated" ( long story , don't believe it, see his motive and won't work as there's certain facts they both failed to cover in the last few months to ensure they covered their ass ).
And with the injunction on him at present ( which I'm hoping I can't get kept in place ) and the FVO against wife protecting bubs ( current one is only clause #1 no
FV but if Injunction comes off dad then she will be able to come in contact ... Not that she hasn't Already regardless of IVO and orders!)

As I sAid I just believe it's in bubs best interst for it to be progressive , both with what previous arrangements / hands on time dad's had , but also whilst ( if ever ) calms the F down and stops trying to punish me and actually starts focusing on his time and bond with bubs . Given the situation , bubs is at high risk when it comes to narc /button pushing /thrives on any fuel / reaction ....& wife being HIGHLY emotional and unable to control anger or emotions ( I've witnessed and got enough examples !).

BUT also do know and don't plan on throwing "narc" into
It anywhere Are like u said ... Most are unawAre what it's like not only dealing with them , but it's also too risky being thrown under the " crazy " bus especially As he's. A " greater narc" and expect at being covert . So hence any wanted to question as to how much of the
"Facts / precious Court based orders and info filed In affidavits that I should note As gnus going to be my better chance of holding up in court as relevant .

And also should I be attaching evidence or BFP doc to my affidavit as she consented without admission ? A lot of the FV is more based on dad's home Situation rather than between he and I .... We need the UK lAw that wAs legislated I'm dec 15 where "coercive abuse " is now a formal offensive and having researched the assessments and court requirements lay charges against this Is what we need in Aus rather than abuse be more based on verbal / sexual and physical violence .

Just out of interest and I apologise as I'm sure you've probably noted it In
Other threads , but how did your orders go as in comparison to what you requested etc to what was handed down ?

I did well considering what dad requested , me having no paperwork filed , he havin gotten an exempt and urgent hearing ...& me self rep up against his barrister ! But his legal rep wasn't across the case properly I don't think going by his reaction to a few things I mentioned whilst in neg chats

emca01 View Drop Down
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  Quote emca01 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20/February/2018 at 07:12
Ok so just checking... This guy is married to someone else? you had a baby with him but you're not his wife?

You are not a doctor you are not a psychologist. So all the stuff about him being a 'covert" and a narc.... Makes you sound paranoid.

This guy wants 2 nights a fortnight with his nearly 2 year old daughter. That is no unreasonable.

The child is currently spending unsupervised time with the child? So what is the difference between that happeneing at night time vs day time?

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