Australia's leading provider of affordable DIY legal kits
Call our Customer Care Specialists on 1300 728 200
   

Legal Forum

Welcome to the FREE AussieLegal Forum

This FREE legal forum is supported by participating lawfirms in your local area.
The information contained in this public forum, and any comments made by the administrators, it's appointed mediators, or members of the public are of a general nature and may not be regarded as financial or legal advice in any way. We recommend that you seek formal advice from a practicing solicitor or licensed financial advisor regarding your particular situation. By registering to use this forum you meet the above criteria and agree to abide by all of the above rules and policies.

To be sure we provide you with the most relevant information to your state, please let us know which state you your legal matter resides in:

ACT  NSW  NT  QLD  SA  TAS  VIC  WA  

AussieLegal recommends this law firm:

  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Register Register  Login Login

What to do?

 Post Reply Post Reply
Author
  Topic Search Topic Search  Topic Options Topic Options
Bluegreen View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie
Avatar

Joined: 28/January/2018
Location: Australia
Posts: 12
  Quote Bluegreen Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: What to do?
    Posted: 28/January/2018 at 11:30
I left my husband of 27 yrs recently and arranged for financial mediation regarding a property settlement. Our children are adults, so it's just him and me. He doesn't want to attend mediation and wants me to accept his offer or he will stop paying me a weekly allowance. This weekly sum has not been officially arranged as maintenance but as I haven't worked since 1996 and am in late 50's, that's what it is. I feel bullied and overwhelmed. I dread a long legal battle with him messaging me and trying to get me to do as he wants. I am so tempted to just take his offer and be done with it. I expect this is a common situation. Any advice?

emca01 View Drop Down
Legal Guru
Legal Guru


Joined: 20/July/2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2179
  Quote emca01 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28/January/2018 at 14:18
What is he offering?
IF his offer is reasonable then take it...
Have you sought legal advice about what you might be entitled to?

Bluegreen View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie
Avatar

Joined: 28/January/2018
Location: Australia
Posts: 12
  Quote Bluegreen Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28/January/2018 at 18:27
He is offering what he feels he can afford without going into debt. He has super and we own our home. He is offering 25% of the asset pool. he feels that as I have inheritance prospects I will be much better off than him ultimately and it has to be taken into account.
I know the law does not see it that way, but I do sort of see my husband's point. Because I see his point I am willing to take less than 50% but not as little as he is offering. I am seeing a lawyer this week and I know she will advise me to go for what I am entitled to. Fair advice, but if I do that he will be in a bad situation in his early 60's. I don't want to descend into hate and a vicious fight, but I also don't want to be bullied and manipulated. He needs to see a lawyer, and I think a lawyer would say "take the bloody deal she's offering!" But he does not take advice from others easily and does not want to attend the mediation and will come away refusing to abide by any deal, I know it. It has to be a process that he controls all the way or he won't participate.

emca01 View Drop Down
Legal Guru
Legal Guru


Joined: 20/July/2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2179
  Quote emca01 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28/January/2018 at 18:46
ok so potential inheritance isn't factored in... So you're being reasonable....

What are you offering him? I"d suggest 50/50 is reasonable and there is an argument for you to get more than 50% because he has a higher earning capacity....

Ok so he is paying you some money? look that seems like it is pretty reasonable.
He wont do mediation? Can I suggest you ask him to choose a solicitor of his choosing... Ask solicitor to look at assets and the situation and ask how a court would look at it.. Getting a mutual agreement with some legal advice is better than the long / slow process of court.

Bluegreen View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie
Avatar

Joined: 28/January/2018
Location: Australia
Posts: 12
  Quote Bluegreen Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28/January/2018 at 19:29
I think 50/50 is reasonable too, and I'd be happy with 60/40. But reason has gone out the window. He's paying me $600 a week and is threatening to cut that off if I don't agree to a 25/75 % split in his favour. And if that doesn't work he reckons he'll delay and obstruct as much as he can. I have begged him to see a lawyer, any lawyer, just somebody who can make him understand he does not have the right to dictate and intimidate. He is under the impression that if he goes to court the judge will see his point of view ie. that he worked hard for the money and what I did, raising the family, is not the same. I mean real stone age stuff. I can't change his attitudes, but I told him a judge would not see it that way, that it is 2017 not 1817. Secretly, in his heart, I think he knows he is wrong and just wants to bully me into signing something now. As you say, mutual agreement via mediation is cheaper and less stressful than court, but if he actually won't do anything, see a solicitor or go to mediation, then it's going to be a hard long battle.

citizen-joe View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member


Joined: 09/October/2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 404
  Quote citizen-joe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28/January/2018 at 22:48
He is giving you $600 per week to live at the moment, however the likelihood of any court order awarding you that is slight, as is the likelihood of him continuing the payments once the assets are divided.

I think you need to do some serious thinking about working out the minimum amount you can accept and be able to live. Then you should aim a little higher than that. Remember you need to live, not just exist.

You need enough capital to obtain accommodation, a car and a few comforts. You need enough to tide you over while you train and obtain a job.

Take a look at what work is available that you have a chance of obtaining. Consider if you should move elsewhere to enhance you chances of finding a suitable house and suitable work.

Come up with the very minimum that you need to achieve that. Do not under any circumstances reveal that to him, but keep it in the back of your mind.

Then look at what is fair, ie what a court may order, consider what you may have to outlay to get that.

A married couple who have no child commitments and have amassed some assets during their life together should really be looking at splitting all assets (including super, life insurance etc) 50/50. Would that give you enough to achieve what I have listed in the first paragraph. If so go for it, you have a good chance of achieving that, if you need more, you have a chance of getting that,but you'll need a good solicitor working for you, one who can put a good argument based on the time you have been out of the work force and the fact that you need to train and so on.

Good luck, please let us know how this works out eventually, remembering it may be months or a year or more before this is resolved. I hope you can achieve a reasonable result much sooner, life is too short to be stressing over the crap that these disputes often degenerate into.

Catsmother View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: 04/September/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 100
  Quote Catsmother Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28/January/2018 at 23:04
So you haven't worked for just over 20 years, which would indicate that at some stage you have worked. You are not entitled to the age pension, but you would most probably be entitled to New Start allowance. You have been 'lucky' that you have not worked for the past 20 years, obviously raising children, who are now adults. Now I am going to sound harsh, but it is time for you to 'adult'. I am in my late 50s, female, and yet have been working all my adult life, whilst having and raising children. It is not your soon to be ex husband's 'job' to continue to support you now that you have separated. You need to stand on your own two feet.

As a start, you would look at going 50/50 on the asset split as there are no children involved. You might be able to go 60/40 in your favour given that you have chosen to stay out of the workforce for so long. But, and this is a big but, even if you do get 60/40, you might not get all of that in cash as superannuation will be factored in. And if you are entitled to receive some of his superannuation, it will probably be a splitting order, which means that you won't be able to access it straight away, but will have to wait until pension age to receive it.

He is being very generous giving you $600 per week. Newstart is far less than that. And if he is already in his 60s, then you cannot expect him to continue working, and supporting you as well. Given that you are the one who left the relationship, take the opportunity to stand on your own two feet, and develop your independence. Good luck.

Bluegreen View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie
Avatar

Joined: 28/January/2018
Location: Australia
Posts: 12
  Quote Bluegreen Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29/January/2018 at 08:25
Thanks for your reply Citizen Joe, good advice. I have thought about what I need. It is just over a quarter of our combined assets. I think that is extremely fair, given I am entitled to half. I don't expect him to pay maintenance once he pays this amount. This would leave him half the house and all his super. I am very keen to avoid all the pain and distress of a long court case, I can only hope he sees the benefit of this too.

Bluegreen View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie
Avatar

Joined: 28/January/2018
Location: Australia
Posts: 12
  Quote Bluegreen Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29/January/2018 at 08:41
Thanks for your reply, Catsmother.

The trouble with forums like these where one is asking for general advice and not giving out too much detail is that others may jump to judge very quickly. As you have done.

May I point out that you do not know anything about my personal circumstances, why I stayed at home with the children, whose idea that was, why the children needed this care and what sacrifices we made so a parent could be with them.

I gave up a good career for my children, I have no regrets at all, but make no mistake, I worked and I worked hard. I did not lie around in a negligee eating chocolates and flipping through magazines. And let me add my husband is well aware of how hard I worked and my part in his business success.

I have no intention of living off him for the rest of my life. Once there is a settlement the maintenance stops as far as I'm concerned. I don't want it and I won't need it. What I choose to do then is my business.

And, Catsmother, I have been standing on my own two feet all my life and during my marriage not only did I stand, much of the time I carried the others as well.

You should not make assumptions about people's individual circumstances. We all have our own stories, private and painful, otherwise we would not be here.



Luisa View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member


Joined: 08/June/2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 206
  Quote Luisa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29/January/2018 at 11:20
Good on you BlueGreen. My husband was like that too - wanted to keep the house AND the super, and no appreciation that those resources were acquired with my input too.

I agree that once you have a settlement (maybe the house will need to be sold, too bad so sad) then you can cut ties with him but PLEASE don't let him bully you out of what you need. I would go for 50/50 and you sound to have a good case to self represent (as I did).

Bluegreen View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie
Avatar

Joined: 28/January/2018
Location: Australia
Posts: 12
  Quote Bluegreen Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29/January/2018 at 12:10
Thanks for your support, Luisa.

However this plays out, both he and I lose. That's the sad fact at the bottom of it all. But there are marriages that become intolerable, that's a fact too. I am grateful I live in a time where we don't have to 'stick it out', and we have no-fault divorce. But it's still really hard!

I won't be bullied. I'd be more inclined to be generous if he tried a respectful approach, acknowledged my contribution and got down to negotiating. Bullying just puts my hackles up. I hope he simmers down and accepts the situation.


DoogleMcFroogle View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: 09/July/2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 103
  Quote DoogleMcFroogle Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29/January/2018 at 16:33
Go for 50/50 - plain and simple. If your ex husband bullys and threatens it will not be taken lightly by the court. If he stalls and uses delaying tactics the court can make him pay for your legal costs. ( keep everything in writing )

Get legal advice, and ignore your ex husband - he is just playing hardball. Get what you are entitled to

 Post Reply Post Reply

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down

Want to save money?

Check out our list of do-it-yourself legal kits.

Need formal advice?

Let us help you find a lawyer who specializes in your particular area of law.

Need further information?

Visit our legal forum where you can ask questions and search for similar topics.