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My partner's contact with her Ex

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Wilson70 View Drop Down
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  Quote Wilson70 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: My partner's contact with her Ex
    Posted: 12/November/2017 at 17:44
Hi

My partner is subject to ongoing abuse from her ex in any communication (text/email) relating to their 2 children. This abuse is seriously affecting her wellbeing.

As this is getting beyond reasonable we are looking at blocking him on her mobile/email and providing my details as point of contact.

My question would be is there any legal reason he could refuse to accept these change in contact details?

Thanks in advance.

emca01 View Drop Down
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  Quote emca01 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13/November/2017 at 09:11
what arrangements are in place for the kids? Are there court orders? So hypothetically, dad wants to spend time with the kids. Mum won't let him.... Do you reckon that would be a reasonable explanation for him getting angry?

If there are court orders that specify stuff to do with communication then that needs to be followed. My concern about your idea that all communication comes through you is that it is messy... New partner and ex partner...

So question? what is the nature of the conflict.. If he wants to see the kids and she is refusing, well maybe fair enough???

My thought - buy a cheap phone and a cheap pre-paid. Tell him that number is her new number... THEN leave the phone in the boot of the car and check it once or twice a week.... I understand, I really do... I used to panic everytime my phone rang.

Look for solutions, and I don't think new partner as a mediator between her and the ex is a good solution

rannii View Drop Down
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  Quote rannii Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13/November/2017 at 20:13
Yep, agree.


The parents need to be in contact with one another. Put boundaries in place and use them. Is, calls/text will only be received at certain time. Stick to it. Also provide if there is any name calling etc, communication will not be read/ended.

Wilson70 View Drop Down
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  Quote Wilson70 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13/November/2017 at 20:45
So her ex partner has accused her and other family members of sexually abusing their children, said she used her government job to embezzle marital funds away from him. to name just 2 of the many lies and accusations he's leveled at her.

Whilst I agree the parents should be in contact where do you draw the line, when someone gets so depressed and anxious you have concerns for their health and wellbeing.

Wilson70 View Drop Down
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  Quote Wilson70 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13/November/2017 at 20:47
And there are no court orders in place and time spent with each parent hugely favours him anyway.

citizen-joe View Drop Down
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  Quote citizen-joe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14/November/2017 at 05:12
Perhaps some court orders are needed, she can bring up details of his abuse, with dates and times together with a description of what was said at the hearing. Better start keeping a diary.

Remember time spent with parents is for the benefit of the kids, saying the time favors him is a sure fire way to get the court offside.







Edited by citizen-joe - 14/November/2017 at 05:14

emca01 View Drop Down
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  Quote emca01 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14/November/2017 at 10:06
How much time does dad have with the kids? how much does mum have?
Courts can't make an unreasonable person become reasonable.... You're better off looking for advice from a psychologist about how to deal with... I'm not a psychologist, but I do have a nutter for an ex.
I spent 2 years using the same strategy... Abusive texts were responded to with a polite line. Something like - Please keep communication positive and in direct relation to parenting the kids... I used the same line every time... REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT... Same at drop off's. She would scream and abuse. It got worse before it got better... BUT I learnt strategies so that conflict was removed... So example... She refused to get away from the back of my car so I could leave the parking space. I would have loved to have run her over, but she would go to the cops. Instead, I took the kids out of the car and took them to the shops. She followed, but eventually got bored and left... You have to learn how to pacify the crazy ones... Not legal advice, but life experience from a bloke who has experienced similar kinds of crazy

Sonata View Drop Down
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  Quote Sonata Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14/November/2017 at 15:30
Honestly, she needs to learn to ignore the nonsense and just focus on the communication that's relevant.

"You sexually abused your kids". Ignore.

"Your father sexually abused our kids." Ignore.

"X has a chest infection, I've sent his prescription medication back to your place". Thanks, I'll make sure X takes it.

"You stole marital funds from me." Ignore.

What Eamon said above is true - you have to learn how to pacify the crazy ones. If you step in and take over communication, all you'll be doing is fuelling the conflict, because the ex will know he's really gotten under your partner's skin, so don't do that. Just learn how to shield against the criticism and pacify the craziness. Learn to laugh at it amongst yourselves and then move on.

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