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Unfair and i feel lost

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tolga View Drop Down
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  Quote tolga Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Unfair and i feel lost
    Posted: 07/November/2017 at 04:57
hi all
I'm from Perth WA been married for 24 years and need help, and here is my long story….
I've been the main financial contributor for many years, from having multiple jobs, spending almost 8 years in the mines that also included a large redundancy payout and company bonuses.

Now, back in Perth & I've been doing countless hrs as the mines closed.

wife filed for divorce and went ahead with all legalities and tried to force me to sign of the titles of properties ( 1 primary house the other investment with tenant), finances etc which at the time I refused to sign anything as I believed in trying to resolve our marriage issue as I still love her.

Due to endless arguments and screaming matches, my health deteriorated sharply and I simply couldn’t take it as it just became so unhealthy at home and decided to give her the space she demanded by moving into my mum's house (for the 3rd time over the years).

During our separation and up to now (been over 6mths) I've been trying to get her to come with me for marriage counselling and been attending all sorts of self-development, meditation etc to improve on myself and encouraged her to join me so we can work on each other but has refused to co-operate and she basically shut down and doesn't want to try anymore, although i moved back home as i saw changes in the kids that i didn't like.

so I've been back here home for the last 3 mths and during my return, we've been trying and have been intimate a number of times until I had to go in for surgery about 3 weeks ago...

Not long ago I found a copy of her affidavit and was gutted to read how she made me sound like an evil heartless person – ranging from (in my words) a wife and child basher and all sorts of other stories of why the kids aren't close to me. Tonight, my friend informed me, through his soon to be ex that my wife has amended the affidavit as she was going hard for a 80/20 or something similar to those figures…

She has seen a lawyer during our separation which I have not as I clinched onto hope….the hope has failed and I feel now she will serve the papers before xmas so I have no time to organize my self

I've just noticed she has received a pay rise and that she has been withdrawing money to match my income, perhaps avoiding the fact she may not be eligible for whatever she's seeking for and playing with the sums by making payments back to her work. She also cross fired me for not lodging my last financial tax statement…somethings not adding up and im blind to what she may be up to...an agenda perhaps

I was also informed that she has some agenda in wanting to sell up and is going to invest elsewhere into a larger investment property as she now either has been promoted at work or is now receiving a larger pay slip and doesn't give a sh*t in losing it all as she's in a more financially better position than me.

I feel so used and gutted as I have always placed every single dollar into this family and yet I find out she's doing all this behind my back

I'm basically lost and need help and advice from anyone whos been in a similar case and what is the best way to protect myself and not get ripped of any more than what I am about to be and ideally want a fair 50/50 or better for myself....

All accounts are in Joint
kids both adults and both are working (in their 20's)
wife and I working F/T
wife just received an inheritance
I have bhp shares
I own a Hilux 2012
She has corolla 2012
I have a large super then her
primary house paid off
Home loan against Investment property & has Tennent
Personal loan
Furniture’s and general gadgets

Time101 View Drop Down
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  Quote Time101 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07/November/2017 at 12:09
Hi tolga

Sorry to hear about what you are going through.

I suggest the best way is to get a family lawyer onboard with your divorce and property split.

Reading your post sounds to me that she's is the hot seat and has had legal advice on what to do and how to proceed .. and you've had nothing. Don't be fooled by what she wants. She's playing the game on you.

And of course she wants you to sign documents ... I wouldn't be signing anything until you get legal advice and also you would need to respond to her affidavit. Once the papers are served to you.. you have 14days to respond. Family lawyer will help you with all that.

Clearly she doesn't want to work this marriage .. so the best way is for you to move on and accept her decision.
She has refused to go with you to marriage counselling so that is telling me she doesn't want to work it out.

As for you leaving the family home and moving in with your mum.. for her that's perfect as you are still helping her financially as all bank accounts are joint. MOVE OUT !!!!...go get a rental in the area so you can be close to the kids. Stop paying the bills and mortgage. Ask for some furniture so you can get started if she refuses .. buy some stuff to get you started in your own home. Look after yourself cause that's what she's doing and sounds to me that she's playing all the cards and you are just agreeing to what she wants and needs.

Moving in with your parents .. will make you better financially cause I'm sure your parents wouldn't ask you to pay anything. Another point for her in the court as you are living with them for free and she's paying everything where she is living. Play smart like she is. Go find a rental locally I sure with your income you can afford it and honestly you'll be much happier in the long run.

Once everything is filed in the court and looks like that's where its heading with the Divorce.

80/20 she is dreaming in the eyes of the court .. the kids are all adults and working
50/50 is what you'll both end up with.
She is entitled to half your super and I'm sure your entitled to half of hers.
As for the redundancy your got from work.. she would need to explain how that was spent in detail.. if you don't agree then you need to write that in your affidavit. (Did she do all the financials in the marriage??)
I would sell both properties ... 50/50 is fair ...and reading your post.. she has already plans on what she wants to do when she gets her share. I guarantee you she will Not get 80/20.

As for her pay increase she has played it very well.. making it equal pay to yours to say that she earns more of less the same as you. Cause if she earns more that you makes her better financially than you in Court.

Stop putting your pay slip in her hands ATM she's doing whatever she wants with it and by the looks of it you are allowing it. Cancel everything that's in your name as in bills that's liked to the family home and let her start paying for it. Hey if she takes you to court for you to start paying show the court a weekly expediture on what you have to pay every week. Court isn't going to ask you to pay for it if you can't afford it. Attached to you affidavit doctors medical certificates if you are sick and unwell.

Print those documents that you have of her recent work pay increase and where it is been deposited. Keep it save where she can't find it.

Sorry for the long response and I hope that my feedback has helped you.

As for your friend sounds as though he has given you some help about the situation as friends always do.

Honestly you need to move on and realise that she wants out. I would fight it in court and make sure she gets as little as possible cause it sounds to me that she's done her homework on what she wants. GET A FAMILY LAWYER IN PERTH .. ONE THAT IS ACCREDITED BY THE LEGAL BOARD.

Don't sign anything she gives you until you engage with a lawyer.
Remember she has seen a family lawyer .. so now it time for you to get representation. And advice. Don't give into her. Stand up for yourself.

My advice is sell both properties and 50/50 is fair as the kids aren't under 18. With the money that you get maybe look into buying a property for yourself... I hear that Perth houses are at its lowest so it's a great time to buy. Start building your nest egg.

All the best please keep us posted on the outcome and I do wish you well.
Stay strong.



DoogleMcFroogle View Drop Down
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  Quote DoogleMcFroogle Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07/November/2017 at 12:15
Welcome to the horrible world of divorce.- be prepared for WAR. Its about you now - not about Her - get your sh*t sorted. Get feelings out of the way. Be prepared to get frustrated. Keep it to logistics and reason only.

Based on your post, I think you have pretty strong case for 50/50 split ( including her inheritance ). You may want to offer 60/40 in her favour to get it over with.

There are many ways you can sort your property settlement - 1 party may want to pay the other out to remain in the house. You may forgo the inheritance, in lieu of you keeping your super, etc....

Come up with a reasonable offer/plan and give it to your wife. Counteract from there and hopefully no need to get lawyers involved until everything agreed upon.
Try and avoid court.

DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING YET.

PM me if you want some harsh reality.


Edited by DoogleMcFroogle - 07/November/2017 at 12:20

Time101 View Drop Down
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  Quote Time101 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11/November/2017 at 18:43
Hi tolga.

Any update on your situation. Did you receive the papers yet.? What did you decide to do ?

Peace

tolga View Drop Down
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  Quote tolga Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12/November/2017 at 02:07
Hi all
Received 1st offer from her lawyer.... 70/30!!!

Obviously I laughed as i feel confident that it should be 50/50 So i will be responding that i will not accept.

I confronted my soon to be ex wife and pointed out afew things that do not add up . I pointed out that i know she has received a big pay rise and I wanted the last 3 and future 3 pay slips including the latest super contributions made into her super as that will indicate to me she's earning more so i can renegotiate as ill be in a unfair position over a 20 yr period.

She questioned me for withdrawing cash for the last few days so i reacted and showed her on netbanking by filtering all the cash outs made by her . I deemanded An explanation to why was it good for her but not for me to take cash out. She had nonreal answer or substance to her reasoning and made it clear to her that im no donkey as ive been keeping a note on the cash outs.

I started to call her by her first name instead of her middle name as it was more special to call her by her middle name and it upset her big time.

Afew hrs later she came back with my original offer when all this sh*t happened. And that is to be amicable and not get lawyers involved. And for her not to touch my super...car...shares..... amazing when they get caught out and can't find a place to run .

I will get it all signed and witnessed and make a clause at the bottom to stipulate that we will not claim for each other's super and was agreed by us and have it binded.

I'm yet to make my mind up whether to pay her out of the house and she has the unit or vise versa.

I still feel that she still has a agenda. she's still acting very confident with all of this as though theres still a backup plan to screw me over.

She started to play mind games by texting questions to me in regards to that it hurts her when i call her by her 1st name etc so i told her off and stop with these games as we are no longer a couple and all this has now become a business transaction and still added the fact that i tried but she didn't pull her weight to work on the failed marriage.

She's still denying that she got any form of pay rise even though i heard her friend on my friends loud speaker that she told her friend that she did get a pay rise and is still going to buy a pricy unit .... am I not seeing or over seeing something here im not sure.

I will be seeing my lawyer this Monday to get proper legal advise on this amicable agreement and whats the best approach on this issue.

Because of the self development classes and through spiritual growth I told her that i have forgiven her and she should look into forgiving me as i want to start my new life with inner peace and so should she.

emca01 View Drop Down
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  Quote emca01 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13/November/2017 at 09:14
Mate you have done enough there to get an avo against you... Don't engage in arguments. Don't provoke stuff. Call her by what ever name she wants. Just play cool and don't do anything to cause conflict.

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  Quote Time101 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13/November/2017 at 10:54
Hi tolga.

Emca01. I disagree with the comment above. Avo really ??
She won't get one on him for catching her out when all she is doing is playing games with him and Also she has other plans. It's clear.

Don't give in to her proposal .. really 70/30... both their kids are adults.

Should be 50/50.
If she doesn't agree tell her to fight it in court ... she won't get more.

Tolga.. I'm confused about the primary house and investment property. ...you pay her out for house and she gets unit as well. Sounds complicated. Best option is to sell both and you then can start fresh.

As for you calling her by her first name and not by her middle name ...big deal. Geez she sounds so touchy. She's the one that serves you with papers and what she wants you to agree to all that is written. ... NO fight it. Glad you seeing a lawyer today.

Pay slips and super statements is part of the process for disclosure anyways.
You state that she has had an increase in wages and she works full time so her super isn't low.

Amazing how she quickly changed her mind when she was caught out. Good on you. Of course she doesn't want lawyers involved cause it will question her doings with bank withdrawals. You said that you got a redundancy from work .. hope you know where that went too.

Honestly man she has all planned out and if you fall into her trap you are crazy.
She has made is clear to you the marriage is over .. so now it's time to move on.
Not sure what the property pool amount is but is should be 50/50.


Good luck with the lawyer today. Please keep us posted. Peace.

tolga View Drop Down
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  Quote tolga Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13/November/2017 at 11:27
trying to nut out which way would be in my favor

pay her out and keep house, or take on the investment property and get her to pay me out cash to pay off the inv property?

primary home 240K
invest. prop. 140K

prim home paid off, invest property owing 83K

My super i have more then 130K more then hers, but not sure what hers is now considering shes had a large pay increase that shes not disclosing.... fishy

i was thinking that she pays me out and ill match it by transfering a similar amount from my super into her super, not cash, just transfer to make it equitable for both parties....

your thoughts....

cheers
"No more Mr Nice guy" - tolga

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  Quote Time101 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13/November/2017 at 13:03
I'd suggest you sell both.

What you split up in super go 50/50 each.
Just say she has 60k your have 200k
Half of hers is 30k and your will be 100k minus the 30k all your giving her is 70k

Take in consideration the loan on the investment property. Half of 83K = $41,500

You primary home is only worth 240k I find that low. Correct me if I'm wrong ...have u got an evaluation on both properties.

If you sell both properties. You pay the bank the 83k. You'll be left with 297k 50/50 split of asset pool. Need to take of fees and real estate costs.
Should make it around 150k each.

I thought she wasn't touching your super, car or Shares.

Tell her you don't want the house or investment.
Start fresh.

Like I said before looks like she's had this planned for a while.
You said she's worked F/T so her super wouldn't be that low.

Good luck man. Keep us posted.
Reply if you need help.
Peace.
She might be giving you the wrong figures.

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  Quote Time101 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13/November/2017 at 13:04
What did the lawyer advice you to do ?

tolga View Drop Down
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  Quote tolga Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14/November/2017 at 14:49
Update:

I was informed by someone who knows someone who has the know-how of investigating whether they have external secrete bank accounts. the answer came back as positive indicating that she has a separate account but was unable to disclose the amount in it.

This makes alot of sense as all the cash outs that have been withdrawn has been deposited (perhaps at least 50%) into the other separate account or accounts.


my question is:

how do I go about getting that info of past and present or deactivated accounts under her name stating transaction of her personal bank/building society/load and go etc accounts that can be used for my evidence to counteract the 50/50 negotiation i.e subpoena her or the banks???

please advise


cheers
tolga

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  Quote emca01 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15/November/2017 at 08:44
You don't need those accounts. You can ask for full financial disclosure, but it is hard to prove that it was indeed FULL disclosure... BUT don't worry, the fact that there have been large transactions that are out of the norm can be traced back to the account where the $$ came from...

Ball park? what sort of $ do you think she has syphoned? Might not be worth chasing down... Spend $20 000 on solicitors to prove she has $15 000....

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  Quote tolga Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15/November/2017 at 09:52
I say about 50k plus

Also do I have to respond to her lawyers 1st offer within 14 days???.

And how would I respond back to the letter as i dont accept the offer of 70/30 as i believe its 50/50 And would like to settle this amicably outside of courts without lawyers etc (want it to sound professional) And require full financial disclosure as i know now that she has a solo account but like mentioned above I can't really prove it....

Basically what im saying is that i dont want to engage with my lawyers due to court expenses and want to express that to my soon to be ex wife....

Cheers

Edited by tolga - 15/November/2017 at 09:54

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  Quote Time101 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15/November/2017 at 12:16
Best way is to get a lawyer involved. She's obviously hiding money and accounts from you.

Yes you do need to respond to her offer within 14 days. Needs to be filed and served to her as well.

Like I said before 50/50 is what the offer should be. You have no kids under age.

I'd sell both properties .. pay the investment loan off ... then split 50/50 the balance.

Full disclosure she needs to give to you. Honestly she's not going to give it to you as you are fully aware now what she's doing with the money in bank accounts.

50k is a lot. I'd engage in a solicitor. Looks like she didn't care about how much it would cost her to get a lawyer to do her work and serve the paper to you with a stupid offer included.

And before she depletes the account in full to the amount of zero balance you need to act man.

A lawyer will cost money but in the long run she dies the get away with what she's done.
You lawyer will subpoena the accounts she has. Then your entitled to 50% of that plus the majistrate will see the games she's playing and will work in your favour.

No more blind tolga. You have caught her out and she knows what she's done. Will she tell you ... HE'LL NO!!!

Take action man. Go see a solicitor ... hey if it cost you take it out of the joint account.

Once your lawyer writes to her with a proposal you might be surprised she'll take that offer of 50/50. Try to write in their that you keep all your super. See what she says.

I'd get 3 appraisals for your house and investment. Attached that to your affidavit with your proposal to her of 50/50. Write that you want both sold and the profit decided equally.

She's done her homework and has been fully informed what to do. Her transferring money into her account is a sign.

Act smart man don't fall into her trap.
Good luck. Keep us posted.

Peace.

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  Quote Time101 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15/November/2017 at 12:20
Hope you have a different bank account now .. if not get one and put your wages into it.
Let her pay the debts...

hey maybe your friend above has a good family lawyer. Ask him.

Go see a lawyer before you get nothing and looks like she's planning that

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  Quote Time101 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15/November/2017 at 12:22
It's won't cost you $20k to get a lawyer to write up a proposal with a response to her affidavit.

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  Quote Time101 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15/November/2017 at 12:23
Did she spend $20k on her lawyer ??? To serve you those documents.

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  Quote tolga Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15/November/2017 at 12:50
No as far as I can see is 3k

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  Quote Time101 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15/November/2017 at 12:51
Just spoke to a lawyer friend ... if you engage in a lawyer now before the 14 days are up. He/she can write to her lawyer.. tell her lawyer that you now have a solicitor and he /she will be reviewing the documents and will be responding soon.... that will give by you some time.
Also your lawyer will advice you on what to do and costs.

Don't forget your lawyer has to do a affidavit for you as well as a financial statement.

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  Quote Time101 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15/November/2017 at 18:11
Spend the 3k like she did and get yourself a lawyer. Serve her with a response.

Look up family lawyers in Perth. Make sure he/she is a credited family law specialist.
Sometimes the best way is court. She's obviously done her homework and has taking money out of the bank account. She's got other agendas man. Writing is on the wall.

Get the ball rolling ....

Good luck man.

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